Get the fuck out after you’re done
I went to a retreat for three days up by a trailer park. I just got back from Hope an hour or so ago. I think the purpose of the whole thing was to bring us together, etc, etc, and it did but it more so depressed me rather than keeping me happy.
* I’ve learned that I’m not as close as I thought I was to my “friends” rather as I want to be.
* I’ve learned that everyone can be overly insecure.
* I’ve learned that I am part of the problem (sometimes).
* I’ve learned that I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to be.
The whole thing was messed up. At one point this guy I know but never really got to know gave me a hug and said something like “I love you man”. I got a whole bunch of that garbage but none of these people are important to me. We also took a bunch of pictures of Dan and Antony that I’m pretty sure could be considered amateur gay porn.
I don’t know if I got what I was supposed to get out of the whole thing but I sure hope I did.
I’m a horrible person. Another girl I know but never really respected spoke of how the rumours of her being easy and things on that same line made her want to kill herself. I believed all of those rumours. I even called her a whore a few times and I never knew how much that hurt her. Another girl I’ve known since primary school was also rather upset. I’ve never heard any of those rumours about her though. Apparently people think she’s anorexic and a bitch. I know she’s not, she used to go to my bowling parties all through elementary, hah. A lot of people are misunderstood and a lot of people are full of shit.
Having music again has calmed me down a bit now. I was randomly very jealous and angry and then sad. I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe I’m afraid of what’ll happen in three months. I don’t know, I don’t want to care anymore.
I’ll write down more if you people actually want to know what I’m thinking.
ETA: Guess who might be touring around with a local band and might be writing about it in the Strait!
March 21st, 2005 at 7:02 pm
Wow. You summed up the entire world with that one line :
“A lot of people are misunderstood and a lot of people are full of shit.”
So yes, you did learn a lot. Congratulations.