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Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/15/2021 in all areas

  1. 6 points
  2. I'm not really sure what "evidence" people would keep in situations like this. A lot of people only keep the texts that are on their current phone. Was he sending them dick pics? What if all of the conversations happened over the phone or in person? In the case of your co-worker - did you need to provide evidence that he was a douchebag, or did your boss take your word for it? And, again, we don't need to be litigating this and coming to a unanimous conclusion. It really comes down to each person here making the decision for themselves. If you think he didn't do anything wrong, you're fully entitled to that. Opinion: he reached out because he wanted something and he felt that they would give it to him if he asked them. That's how manipulative people work. And I say that from being on the wrong end of it at least once. There was a woman I knew a few years ago - she had a shtick where she would invite her current boyfriend to do something, then invite another guy to it, and spend the evening flirting with the other guy in front of the boyfriend. (It wasn't the boyfriend's kink or anything like that.) I was the other guy on multiple occasions over a couple of months, and just assumed she was ready to leave the relationship. Even when I realized what she was actually doing - I was still game to do something with her because her intentions with me felt genuine. (I remember wondering if her boyfriend would ever take a hint.) But her intentions weren't genuine. They never were. I soon discovered she had multiple "other guys" who all thought the same thing - that her relationship was ending. She eventually cheated on her boyfriend with one of those "other guys" (who later became the next boyfriend, and the cycle started over). And, insanely enough, even after that happened - months later, there was still some part of me that would have gone for it if she'd pursued me, because it felt like we had something good when we were together. (Thank God that didn't happen, and, in hindsight, I'm wholly embarrassed that I ever felt that way about her.) With people like that, there's some part of you that denies what's clearly in front of your eyes. You look past the stuff you know is there. Even in worse situations - ie, actual abuse - abused people will frequently return to their abuser if the right entreaty is made. It's a known thing. Logically, you'd think they'd bail, but they don't. It's not a logic play - it's entirely emotional. Wait, so many? I think Aziz Ansari is the one that most people feel was wronged, and even that one is a little mushy. Who else had their career torn down because of false accusations?
    2 points
  3. I've never been in a situation like this, and I can't speak to her motives, but I can say with experience elsewhere: There's nothing worse than feeling like someone has done something terrible to you and watching them try to get through it without acknowledging any wrongdoing. The further it goes, the more the anger escalates. (Even worse is when the people around them - usually friends - insist that the terrible thing couldn't have happened because "they're not like that", and you end up looking like a lunatic for being upset.) Some people do strive for the major consequences. But usually, any consequence is what they have to settle for, if one happens at all. A public acknowledgement, a promise to do better, acceptance of some kind of punishment/consequence. Something that feels real, even if the person is bullshitting to some degree or only covers a piece of it. What MG posted the other night wasn't anywhere close to that. And, in my mind, he didn't even take that note seriously. He asked for privacy (usually a signal of radio silence for a time of reflection), then posted some goofball thing yesterday about finding and eating his dead mother's sardines. Honestly, I think MG has drawn a line and this is all Hayley's going to get. But that means she's just going to be irate for the near future. Personally, I think that's an ongoing risk to his career, assuming he still has a chance to salvage it. I almost want to ask what your "pretty telling" means, because I'm sure it's going to be awesome. Accusations come out in bulk like this because there's finally an opening for people to talk about things that they've had to keep to themselves, often for years. They read the other stories, there are details that sound familiar, and they have a chance to finally get it off their chest. This happens all of the time, even in your own life. I guarantee there's someone you know who you don't like - if you're at party and you hear someone complain about them, you chime in with the reason you don't like them. You may never have told anyone that story before. (A third or forth person might overhear the conversation and step in.) It doesn't mean you all have improper motives. It's first and foremost a chance to be heard; a chance to commiserate. And, usually, it feels better, even if it doesn't change anything, knowing that someone else can relate to your experience.
    1 point
  4. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to make a reply here, but here it goes. I’ve listened to MG since I was a kid, and have been a pretty hardcore fan for years. I love his music, and personally cannot imagine that I’ll ever stop listening to his songs. But all of that aside, I want to really take a step back and write about how I feel about this situation. I feel strongly that after reading the number of allegations that have been made that there is a fairly high likelihood that MG has done some inappropriate/immature/harmful things in his personal life. I agree with others who said here that he seemed to have lived the life of a Rockstar, and undoubtedly trampled on the sentiments of fans whom he’d have liaisons with. None of these claims, at least at this point, have reached a threshold for criminality in Canada. The age of consent in Canada is 16, so if Matt was sleeping with women over this age, he’s within his rights to do so if the liaison is consensual. Flirting can often be interpreted in hindsight as manipulation, and while I’m sure some have regretted their encounters with him, again I don’t think that sexual flirtation is necessarily problematic. None of these accounts so far suggest that MG was engaged in any sort of blatant sexual harassment either- I would hope that if some of these women asked him to stop sending them sexual messages, he would have done so. Finally, if he did transmit an STI to someone unknowingly, then he wouldn’t be responsible for that. As far as I’m aware, there is only a problem if there is explicit proof that he knew unequivocally he had an STI (i.e., via a positive test) and withheld that information from a partner. That being said, he very likely has engaged in some immature and harmful relational behaviour that is probably the reflection of growing up in the spotlight, and thereby not having the same opportunity for normative relational experiences as others, while at the same time also struggling with mental illness, which was untreated for the majority of his life. As a result, like Aziz Ansari, I wouldn’t be surprised if MG was stunted in terms of his capacity to develop healthy mutual relationships. Why do men cheat? Because they’re not mature enough to have made a relational commitment in the first place! I do find it interesting that he automatically defers to his mental illness as an excuse, which is obviously an immature reaction- he seems to see himself as a tragic figure that is tortured, that makes art to express his pain, and therefore his immaturity is justified by the suffering he experiences. He has been handily rewarded for one product of his suffering, so why could anyone possibly blame him for the other unintended consequences [read my heavy sarcasm]? He has probably imagined himself in light of the many historical images of the tortured artist, and thus sees those images as justification for his behaviours. Narcissistic and immature? Yes. Clearly someone who is a human struggling and in need of some sort of help? Absolutely. This isn’t to minimize the pain of the women that he’s hurt, because I imagine that they all also have their own complex stories, their own trauma, their own immaturity, and their own need of help…and the impetus to share stories with others, to corroborate their experiences is very much an expression of needing help that should be encouraged. At the same time, the moment I heard this news, my first reaction was to purchase a bunch of his albums on CD that I was missing (I had digital copies or vinyl) out of concern that they wouldn’t be available again. Why? Because I’m afraid that the art will be punished alongside the artist, as it always is. MG as a person is inextricably linked to his work, and thus it will be punished alongside him…and perhaps he should be punished. Perhaps we ought to stop listening to him and curse his name as another man who used a position of privilege to harm those who idolized him. At the same time, perhaps we can step back from him, acknowledge that there was harm committed, and encourage him to seek help, to be better as a person, and that by working through some of that trauma that underlies his music, he could come back better able to speak to his fans with new music in a healthier way. And then, ultimately, he can decide what to do. Perhaps he’ll keep making music as if nothing has happened. Perhaps he’ll decide to hang up the guitar and retire in banishment, as Jian Ghomeshi before him. Ideally, I hope that he’ll seek help and come back while acknowledging the pain he’s caused and explain what led to that pain in a new album. He has the opportunity to be an example to others right now- by owning up to his errors, to seek the help to be better, and to use that energy to make even more meaningful art. Whatever happens, I hope all parties involved get the help
    1 point
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