Jump to content

daniel_v

NF Fanatics
  • Posts

    372
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    65

daniel_v last won the day on October 20

daniel_v had the most liked content!

Reputation

138 Excellent

1 Follower

About daniel_v

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male

Previous Fields

  • Favourite MG(B) Song
    Giant

Recent Profile Visitors

1,211 profile views
  1. It is Leonard, yeah. It's funny you should ask what he has been up to. When Travis passed away last year I noted that it was interesting that, as a fan of MGB, he too was, for a time, heavily into creating music himself and that so many other people MGB/Matt's music has inspired also got into music themselves. As it turns out, Leonard was/is no exception to that either. Apparently he is an audio engineer and is writing/recording music himself too. And thanks for sharing that Chris. I was going to do so myself but just hadn't gotten around to it yet. Travis felt he did a horrible job at the interview, but especially for a 17 year old who was doing his first interview, I thought he did a fine job. Even with regards to the concert itself me and Adam had to keep telling him to not to beat himself up. He was quite critical of certain aspects of it despite the overall quality, lol. And while I think a lot of people have already seen it, here is the segment he put together of the concert and the interview he did with Matt. It gives a little more back ground into the concert itself: Some other random thoughts about the concert were that it's amazing not only how into the show the whole crowd was, but also just how laid back the entire band was too. At one point during EIA, a girl gets up on stage, starts dancing, shakes Dave's hand (to which Dave is quite polite and amenable), then actually grabs Matt's hand as he is trying to play guitar and then kisses him on the cheek. Through it all neither Matt or Dave miss a beat and Matt even chuckles/eventually comments (after the song is done) "What're ya gonna do?", lol. Another thing me, Adam and Travis were laughing about when we first watched this together was the psychology of those who throw their shows at concerts (which happened a lot at this one). I mean, what do people who throw their shoes do afterwards? I mean, do you go home barefoot? Hahaha. Really, who in their right mind throws a shoe? That is unless they've stolen someone else's It's was interesting though because in later years Matt would take a hardline approach against people throwing things which was understandable given the dangers of throwing certain things and just the general disrespect involved in such an act. But, their laid back attitude in this show just made it all the more apparent how special everyone probably felt it was.
  2. I feel like I’ve sat on this for too long. The only reason I didn’t release it sooner was that before Travis passed away last year he asked if we ever did release it that said release would only be done with Matt’s (and or Dave/Ian’s) permission. I contacted Matt last year and asked, but unfortunately wasn’t able to get a response back. However, both Ian and Dave have said they are fine with it being released. Likewise, given that Matt never explicitly said he was against the release either after reading the message (at least I'm assuming he read it since there was a "read" receipt), I’m assuming if he didn’t want it to see the light of day he would have said so. To that end, given the continuing crappy times we’re all living through, I thought I should finally give this a public release for those who are still interested in MGB and Matt’s music. Hopefully it'll give a lift to a few people and their day whenever they see it. In my honest opinion, it is an incredibly special concert for various reasons. The first has to do with Travis himself. He was only 17 when he filmed it and it was the first/only one he would record. Watching it though you’d think he’d been doing it for far, far longer a period of time. Likewise, this almost never saw the light of day. Were it not for this community and Adam digitizing/sharing old video footage that Sue (Geoff’s sister) was kind enough to lend out, Travis never would have seen the old TV spot online where they shared his clips from the concert/interview he did with Matt afterwards. Had he not seen that, he probably never would have bothered to dig up the full concert, restore the footage, and eventually share the HSIY performance he shared here, which eventually led to me and Adam going to meet him in Langley, watching the concert in person at his personal theater in his apartment complex, and then eventually being given copies ourselves. The second has to do with the performance itself. Aside from it being the first and only concert Matt ever played in his home town, he continually references how cool it was to be performing in his home town. Right near the end he says something along the lines of, “And I’ll tell you one thing- between now and the end of fucking time I’ll probably remember this night more than anything else, so thanks for that”. Indeed, imo, you can always tell whether bands are into the music they're playing or whether it's just another gig for them. There's something about the energy from all the band members that either is or just isn't there. Aside from Matt's statements regarding the nature of the night, you can tell as well that both Ian and Dave were having a great time too. Hell, even Geoff who looked like he might possibly not have been in the greatest mood at the start, appeared to not be able to help himself from getting into the music as the show went on. Lastly, there is a song that was played live that night that there exists no other recorded audio or video footage of anywhere that I am aware of. In fact, when Travis first shared the setlist I thought he was probably mistaken. When I clarified with him he assured me it was indeed the correct song. When he told me how it was preformed I was beyond excited and blown away. When I actually saw/heard it finally, it definitely did not disappoint. For those of you who don't remember the original thread, I won't spoil the surprise, but hopefully those who are still fans of MGB's music will appreciate it as much as I did when they get to the encore section. It's one of the most haunting and beautiful things I've ever heard. Anyways, I have no idea how many people will or won't be interested in this, but hopefully for those of you who are, this will be fun to watch and a nice trip down memory lane. If anyone wants to, please feel free to share your thoughts below. P.S- If Matt does end up seeing this and would like it removed, out of respect for Travis and out of respect for all Matt's music has done for me over the decades, I will respect that wish and remove it if I receive a request to do so. While I don't expect to receive such a request- and while I do believe Travis would be okay with this since we were just in the process of trying to get ahold of Matt right before Travis passed away- because those were his wishes beforehand, I want to make sure I do respect those wishes if, on the off chance, they needed to be respected. Lastly, if anyone does happen to have any old video or audio footage like this laying around in their own storage that has never seen the light of day (or happens to know someone who does) I would ask that you consider digging it up and getting a hold of @adam_777 He knows how to restore and digitize old footage that could otherwise degrade and become unplayable due to old age. Stuff like this, while not possessing a huge market, means a lot to more than a few of us and being able to get it online is sort of like adding things to a (digital) museum, imo. Saving it is important because, aside from the importance of music and art themselves in all our lives, unshared art and live performances are another kind of experience/art altogether. Indeed, to capture a new kind of energy to a song, or to hear something that has never before been heard (or played live), is what makes art/music so compelling- the surprise, excitement, and reveries created are one of a kind/timeless because worthwhile art is timeless. I don't think I understood that when I was younger, but as I've gotten older and been lucky enough to meet/know all the people who've been kind/gracious enough to share things I would have never gotten to see/hear otherwise, I've gained an appreciation for that fact. So hopefully this can be a small way for me to continue giving back in turn and just maybe might inspire others who have similar material in their possession to get it out and online as well (provided the original creators/band members are not against the release). Cheers, everyone
  3. Learned just a while ago that we can tag people in posts. @gursky don't know if your message notifications are on, but you might want to check your inbox too.
  4. The wait between vaccine times is troubling. Recently a virologist named Dr. Geert Vaden Bossche came out warning that he doesn't believe we should be vaccinating people in the middle of a pandemic because of the risk for existing variants to mutate into something that could kill far, far more people than are dying right now. Even those who disagree with him on his position of stopping vaccines agree that a slow roll out of the vaccine could lead to something resembling what he is talking about. Those two views considered, given that the manufacturers of the mRNA vaccines recommended only 3 to 4 weeks between doses, I think there is an argument to be made that the feds are acting quite dangerously with their decision to accept the NACI's 4 month wait period idea. Don't get me wrong, I understand that our government wants to get as many people as possible their first doses to try and drop hospitalizations in the short term, but in the long term, again, for the reasons listed above, that position could be really scary in the future. With regards to receiving the vaccine personally, it took me a while to decide on getting it. I eventually (and reluctantly) did get my first dose just this past Saturday (because I am constantly interacting with a wide variety of people at work and because I worry about what Dr. Bossche and Damania have discussed), but I don't blame people who are hesitant at all. The number of different outlooks on where the virus came from(zoonosis/the wet market in Wuhan vs. the lab leak/gain of function hypothesis), the world's response to it (E.G- debating the efficacy of lockdown and the cost/reward ratio they entail), and what should be done going forwards, provides an unreal amount qualitative and quantitative data to consider, and that applies to the vaccines as well (especially given the different kinds there are and understanding the histories of the companies who have created them). To that end, I ended up doing a lot of thinking (probably more than I should have) before I received mine. Understanding Hesitancy First off, there is the core issue of trust. To be specific, some of the companies making the vaccines do not by any means have the cleanest track record. Johnson and Johnson, for example, have been sued hundreds of millions of dollars in the past for their role in the opioid crisis that has claimed hundreds of thousands of lives in North America. Then there is Pfizer, who has paid out over 1.2 billion dollars in thousands of different settlements for their creation and marketing of the drug Prempro. That drug was eventually found to cause breast cancer in women. So obviously they don’t have the greatest track record in being open and transparent about side effects that occur in their products. Even now there are reports coming out about possible links between the Pfizer vaccine and short term paralysis in certain people (though whether this was the result of the vaccine or unrelated medical conditions remains unclear given that correlation does not by any means always equal causation). Either way, I think a lot of people understandably think to themselves that if these companies are so interested in profits that they ignored and obfuscated such data (both in the past and present), there is then that much less reason to assume they have created a safe vaccine as opposed to a rushed one. Granted mRNA vaccines have been in the works for many decades, but their implementation is still of course incredibly new. Hence why I don't blame people for being cautious about which company they want to receive one from either. Likewise, there is the linked issue that a large portion of the funding that the FDA receives bizarrely enough actually comes from the industry players that they are supposed to be regulating. As such, even though the FDA has approved all 4 major vaccines(through Emergency Use Authorization) that are being shared all over the continent, there is an understandable question that people have regarding whether the they can trust the FDA given the conflict of interest that exists between approving vaccines created by companies that supply such a large portion of their operating budget in the first place. Then there is the even more frightening idea being put forwards by alarmists in some circles that these companies, in collusion with governments around the world, are literally trying to depopulate the earth by poisoning people with what is only being marketed as a vaccine. Normally I would dismiss this kind of talk, but given that some of it is coming from someone (Dr. Mike Yeadon) who used to work for Pfizer for over 16 years, it did stop me in my tracks for a bit because I am not educated enough to analyze whether what he is saying about the genetic sequences of the variants is valid or invalid. However, while all of the above is understandably worrisome and emotion inducing, I do think it all can be put into context and dismissed by getting a wider viewpoint from others doctors, scientists, virologists, and epidemiologists (and just through common sense). The Case for Vaccines All of the above considered, I think the core issue around choosing to get a vaccine has to do with trust though education, understanding the strange link between intelligence and paranoia, looking at legitimate fears around hospital capacities, and a longing to have things return to normal (because normalcy would obviously benefit everyone). Indeed, as much understandable fear exists around this topic, I think that fear also blinds people to the wider picture (even intelligent people). Likewise, I do think the simplistic way in which the internet and social media allows half truths, along with lies, to be shared amongst people who lack a full education in certain issues (myself included), creates cognitive distortions around what is and isn't accurate (for example, the idea that lock downs are an attempt to slowly engender us into slave like conditions, despite the fact that regular, mass protests are still allowed without arrests here in Canada). With regards to intelligence and paranoia, I think many people assume if someone is intelligent they won't get paranoid. In my opinion this is a very large misunderstanding of paranoia. After all, the former scientist from Pfizer that I referenced above (the one who thinks his former company- along with the rest of big pharma- is trying to depopulate the earth by 95 percent) is obviously an incredibly well educated and intelligent individual based on his experience and way of explaining things. Likewise, it is beyond my education to analyze or discredit his opinions around why the virus variants shouldn't be of any concern to anyone (on account of their genetic sequences only apparently being .3 percent different at most). However, if one looks at his larger claim logically (the one that argues big pharma is trying to depopulate the earth) it simply doesn't make any sense. Indeed, it is is exactly because of their greed that it doesn't make any sense that they would want to kill off 95 percent of their potential customer base. They exist to perpetually make money. No self serving company is going to literally kill the majority of people who exist to make that profit possible. Further more, Dr. Zubin Damania did a good breakdown and discrediting of some of Dr. Yeadon's former claims that seemed rational on the surface as well (such as the idea that the vaccines could cause female sterility). As such, it occurs to me that more researched and educated people than myself could probably debunk his position on the variants not being harmful as well. As such, I don't believe that Dr. Yeadon is lying about his opinions- I simply believe that he has allowed his paranoia (centered in his amygdala) to over take the logic processing part of his brain (his pre-frontal cortex) and it is not irregular for intelligent people to be overtaken by their emotions. From there, on the the issue of hospital capacities and variants, I do think it is worthwhile to return to the topic I mentioned about the virologist who is warning about how deadly the variants could be due to the selective evolutionary pressure the vaccine could put on the viruses to mutate even further. Indeed, we're already seeing ICU's being loaded with younger people in North America and in different parts of world. To that end, I think the question becomes "Is some protection better than none if these variants are going to become more common, transmissible, and deadly?" Likewise, an even more simple question is whether or not the possible unknown, long term side effects of the vaccines could be worse than the effects of actually getting the virus itself? After all, many countries are now seeing younger people being hospitalized (https://www.cnn.com/2021/04/12/health/b117-covid-variant-young-patients/index.html) and many others have seen their health care capacity decimated by this virus (Italy, for example) and others are on the brink of that happening as well today (see Chile). In relation to the idea that people can't trust big pharma to be transparent about the side effects of their products, while I do absolutely agree with that hesitancy due to past transgressions- and think that any possible short term/long term side effects should be examined and studied immediately as they come up- a doctor from the U.K made a good compilation of videos attempting to dispel what he believes were/are common misperceptions around mRNA vaccines here. Whether one agrees with his points is up to them and their own knowledge of what points he is addressing (since there are many). To one of his points as well, given that phase 1, 2, 3 trials were all done for all of the vaccines, any major side effects of common concern should have come up during that time period. Also, again, the amount of research done on mRNA vaccines really is quite comprehensive. Anyways, perhaps a good place to finish is to return to what we were taking about at the top- wait times and variant escape, because that is mainly what contributed to my decision to get vaccinated. Again there is a debate between Dr. Geert Vaden Bosshe and others in the medical community around whether or not vaccinating people in the middle of the pandemic could lead to vaccine resistant variants killing hundreds of millions (if not billions) of people. To that end, I think Dr. Zubin Damania made a good counter to Dr. Bossche by noting that is why we want to get as many people vaccinated as soon as possible- because the sooner it happens the less chance there will be variant escape. Likewise, if these variants to do become as horrible as Dr. Bossche is suggesting they could become, I would rather have some protection from a ramped up immune system as opposed to just facing them alone with my regular immune system that has never encountered any version of the Sars Cov 2 Virus. Final Thoughts Now, is it possible I and all the other promoters of vaccines are wrong about all of this? Of course. No one is psychic or omniscient and there is a crap load of data to consider. But, all of the above considered is why I decided to get vaccinated myself (regardless of whether it turns out to be a good or bad idea in the long run). I decided to share all of this because it occurs to me that if I was having these thoughts and debates with myself then most likely many others who are stuck in the middle still are as well. To that end, thanks for posting this topic @foats It's definitely an interesting one and worth discussing. Edit- And for the record, I did get the Pfizer shot (even though I was originally booked in for the Moderna) and I've been fine since. Admittedly I did have a crappy headache yesterday (72 hours after), but that could have been due to anything given that it's not uncommon for me to get headaches every once in a while. It passed later in the day.
  5. Admittedly I wasn't really a fan of the first hour and 15 minutes of the film (save for Steppenwolf's amazing entrance), but I have to admit after that time point, it got surprisingly a lot better and finished with a great climax (miles ahead of the theatrical cut). Anyone else had a chance to check out his original 4 hour long version of the film yet?
  6. Speaking of pills, I don't know if this is of note, since I'm not sure what was on the site before all of this started, but the mention of pills got me thinking about what's on the main page for the website. When I did a search of green and white pill capsules it cited Chlordiazepoxide Hydrochloride, which apparently is used for alcohol withdrawal. The pic on his front page looks quite similar to Chlordiazepoxide Hydrochloride capsules. Does anyone know if the front page was different back in January?
  7. Speaking of apologies, I should offer one myself. I really shouldn't be recounting other people's stories second hand. That's for them to do, not me, because second hand stories often contain inaccuracies. Sharon just provided some clarification for me about the timeline of my original comment (which I had originally misunderstood) and as such I deleted my post where I talked about that. Even small details of misunderstanding can lead to large misconceptions and accuracy is always important. I should know better and should have clarified with Sharon before I said anything. So yeah, my apologies to everyone as well. Moonlight (or moderators) if you see this and want to delete the section of the post where I am still quoted discussing that misunderstanding of the timeline, it would probably be best for the sake of preventing the unintentional spread of inaccurate info.
  8. Edit- deleted because it contained semi inaccurate, second hand info.
  9. I understand what you’re saying, but have to respectfully disagree. To excuse the behavior would be to ignore it and say Matt just can’t help it. I do not believe I said that (and if that is the interpretation some people got, that was not my intention). What I did try to explain is that there is a difference between excusing something and understanding it. After all, excusing something equals ignoring/forgiving it (which is not my place to do here); understanding something equals examining why something occurred so that it can be productively addressed and prevented in the future.
  10. I wanted to wait until Matt had made a substantive public post about all of this before I chimed in publicly (because I do believe that everyone should have a chance to defend themselves before being publicly judged/having their persona executed), but since you're echoing a common comment that many people have already shared, I guess now is as good a time as any to share some thoughts I've had in private. If I can, I'd like to start a discussion around several things that include our perceptions around following: 1- People with mental illness and our understanding of specific kinds of mental illness/disorders, 2- How co-morbidities like addiction and personality disorders can, in many cases, all make each other far, far worse and, 3- How fame can also negatively affect the psychology of those who suffer from all of the above. Before I do so though, I would like to add an apology of sorts, as a parentheses around all of this. To Matt, I'm sure it must be a beyond brutal experience to watch your personal life made public, ripped apart, and dissected to its very core by random people, including myself. Whether you deserve it or not, it can’t be a pleasant experience. Likewise, I am fully aware that without full context, there is always going to be nuance that the public is not privy to. Either way, the following is in no way meant to judge you. It is simply meant to pose questions that might be beneficial for everyone (including yourself?) to consider. Maybe you already have or maybe you haven’t. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. I’m simply making guesses based based on my own experience working in psychiatric health care over the last 12/13 years and based on things that have been shared recently/in the past. For those who feel he has negatively affected them, to have to see people arguing, rationalizing, or defending him, and then judging you in turn, must be incredibly frustrating. As such, I never like doing these types of posts either given the kinds reactions they can unintentionally create, but since the cat is already out of the bag so to speak, I believe sometimes the only way past something is straight through. It is my hope, despite however uncomfortable this subject might be for some, that the dialogue and thought process might bring about some considerations that people haven't considered yet. Next, I am going to be using the word "alleged" at times. I understand why many people dislike the word, but given that there is always nuance and context missing when there is only one side sharing their experiences, I have to be open to the possibility (however unlikely) that new information could come out and change my perception to one degree or another. I am, after all, only and outsider. Lastly, if anyone is going to comment on the following, please read the entire thing. I know it is extremely long, but in order to engage with this subject productively it would be beneficial to read everything rather than just one part, get pissed, reply to it, and ignore the rest. Anyways, getting started... 1- Mental Illness and Type One Bipolarity Now, I've read many people rightfully point out that having a mental illness does not give one a pass for shitty or abhorrent behavior. I happen to agree, completely (and I think when Matt finally does resurface he will as well). Likewise, plenty do indeed live incredibly productive and fruitful lives when they are on the right medications, getting the therapy they need, and not suffering from the effects of addictions. They deserve applause and recognition- certainly not unintentional stigma. Matt has, himself, made a lot of us in this country aware of that fact. However, as someone who has struggled with addiction and mental health to a small extent himself, and worked in a psychiatric institution since 2008, I can also tell you with complete certainty that not all people with specific mental illnesses always have the same symptoms, behavioral/psychosis patterns, or co-morbidities. This is because mental illness- like all illness- can be worse for one person than it is for another depending on each specific person’s own contributing factors. To expand upon that point, while again I do not say the following to excuse the alleged behavior in any way, I do think it worthwhile to remind people there is a difference between condemning a behavioral pattern/actions that come about as a result of psychosis vs. condemning the actual human being who suffers from them. Indeed, to me it's one of those "hate the sin, not the sinner" type situations. To get at this point, it is worth examining/reminding ourselves of some of the symptoms that sometimes accompany Type 1 Bipolarity, aside from the polar or mixed mood swings: -Substance abuse and suicidal behavior -Hypersexuality -Delusions -Incredible impulse control issues (especially when there is substance abuse or addiction involved) Now, the hyper sexuality thing is something I think many people don’t ever think about because it is a much less common symptom, but it is not by any means unheard of and I see it from the occasional patient here and there where I work. Again, without excusing the behavior, given that many others around the world who are bipolar suffer from it, I do wonder how much the massive serotonin and dopamine deficiencies (coupled with massive cortisol waves) might have played a role in their (and Matt’s alleged) behavior over the years. After all, even Matt's own description of suffering through his manic episodes is like something out of a Steven King novel: “At the best, imagine the thing you fear worst, imagine being shoved in a coffin with it, then being buried underground, and then having that coffin start shrinking. Then imagine that times a thousand and add snakes and spiders just for good measure.” If I suffered from that I have no earthly clue what I would do to try and ease that kind of suffering and sex has been scientifically proven to increase serotonin/dopamine production in human beings. Again, as I have said before and will continue to say, none of this excuses the behavior. Nothing can. I am simply trying to illuminate certain facts that might help us understand the behavior. With regards to impulse control, I have seen more than a few online pictures/messages that these women have shared that were apparently from Matt. They include some incredibly embarrassing comments and questions from him that, to me, scream out impulse control issues related to bipolar episodes (and even in some of them Matt mentions going through a manic episode). To try and get an idea of what it’s like to have these impulse control problems, think of how most of us have internal, mental filters that stop us from saying everything we privately think. The pre-frontal cortex of our brains allows those of us who are not impaired to filter these thoughts from being voiced or acted upon. However, those who suffer from improperly controlled bipolarity do not have a proper filter. It’s almost like having a broken arm or leg that one might attempt to walk on or use- the results simply won’t be pretty. This issue is then compounded by the fact that with the passage of age most people’s bipolarity becomes even worse. That considered, there are then the issues I mentioned in tandem with mental illness: co-morbidities of personality disorders and addiction. Addictions With regards to addiction, I am brought back to an old manifesto where Matt basically admitted he used to be an alcoholic. After remembering this I started thinking about how he started drinking again after his first divorce after around 15-16 years sober. Then I remembered all the people I've met through the concurrent disorders unit that I work on and how even people who hadn't had a drink in years relapsed for whatever reason and then saw their lives spiral out of control as their mental illness and personality disorders took back the steering wheel. Even my aunt, who has been sober for 22 years, still attends A.A meetings because she knows if she were to slip that the consequences for herself and those around her would be disastrous. To that end, I can't help but wonder what Matt's alcohol use has done to his own mental illness. Then there is the issue surrounding the fact that Matt has allegedly done all of this for the purpose of having more sex. One does not risk marriages, relationships, and indeed their careers without being addicted to what it is they are trying to get. One does, however, lie and cheat like a professional in order to get a hit of whatever it is they are addicted to. That I can assure you of. As such, a sex addiction is also quite likely. At the very least I have to imagine that both of these possible addictions (especially the alcohol) have decreased the efficacy of his medications; at worst, it is not out of the realm of possibility at all that it has made both his bipolarity and possible personality disorder so, so much worse. Personality Disorders I have (for a while in private now) wondered if Matt suffers from a co-morbidity to his bipolarity in the form of a cluster b personality disorder. To be absolutely clear, I do not ponder this as an insult. Many people are hesitant to accept looking into such a possibility because PD's are considered by some people who don’t understand them (as was illustrated in the quote at the top of this post) to be a cluster of behavioral patterns/problems that could be controlled if only the person suffering from it would just "mature up". This is not accurate, imo. Personality disorders often take an incredible amount of self-awareness and specific therapy (such as dialectical behavioral therapy, schema therapy, and or cognitive behavioral therapy) to undue/escape from, even though they absolutely can be defeated with the honest dedication. Personality disorders often find their roots in childhood trauma, sometimes from trauma in adulthood, or from life styles that people find themselves a part of later in life. They continue to solidify the longer they go unnoticed and the more the behavior goes unchecked. Essentially, the behaviors are like muscles- the more they get used, the bigger they get. This is obviously a problem when the behaviors are harmful to those enacting them and those they are enacted against. Some of these behaviors include over reactions to very innocuous events (Borderline Personality Disorder); disregard for others' needs or feelings and or persistent lying, stealing, using aliases, conning others (Anti-Social Personality Disorder); or excessively emotional, dramatic or sexually provocative actions to gain attention (histrionic personality disorder). Having a personality disorder should not be something with stigma any more than a mood disorder like bipolarity (and they are both considered to be under the umbrella of mental illness). Anyways, I have wondered all of this because as others have pointed out, a mood disorder does not by itself explain all of the things we have found out about Matt (both from the past and more recently). However, a cluster B personality disorder- in conjunction with his bipolarity and a possible addiction- absolutely would explain everything that I am aware of. I would assume his psychiatrist would have ruled this out when doing a diagnosis years ago, but psychiatrists are human too and capable of mistakes. Likewise, new psychiatrists, upon seeing a patient for the first time, may update a diagnosis by changing it or adding to it. Then lastly, there is Matt’s fame to consider. The Effect of Fame and Being Dependent on a Certain Lifestyle to Make a Living Imagine your life being made up of being surrounded by a majority of people who do not have most other people attempting to interact with you in a way that the majority of regular people do. Some people owe their living to you (such as your band mates and stage techs); others worship you to a degree you never asked for (fans, obviously); others are sycophantic towards you in order to gain favor; others are afraid to piss you off so you when you do things that would get a regular person told off (which might prevent the behavior in the future) you instead simply get a fake laugh or awkward/quiet retreat. Then imagine- because you’ve spent the last few decades making a living in this type of an environment-what it would be like to try and find/learn a new trade when this is all you’ve ever known. Then imagine all of the other above things I just discussed: -a mental illness that produces severe mood swings, delusions, hyper sexuality, and suicidal ideation; -a personality disorder that is comprised of horrible behavioral patterns that hardly anyone probably wants to discuss with you for fear of being on the tail end of those behaviors; -and lastly an addiction (possibly several) that makes all of the above 1000 times worse. Again, without excusing the behavior, I can’t imagine how any of this would shape me as a human being and as such have to remind myself not to judge someone who wears shoes I have never had to walk in. Clarity To be very clear, again, I do not bring all of this up to excuse any of the alleged behavior. The behavior and the people it has hurt are inexcusable. I bring it up to get myself (and who ever else is willing) to try and consider the psychology, history, and neuro-chemical production that might be behind the kinds of choices I or they would make in day to day life if suffering from all of the above. In doing so I am able to let go of any anger I feel while reading all of the hurt and contagious anger others understandably feel towards Matt and simply hope that everyone (both those hurt by Matt's actions and possibly Matt himself) can use all of these thoughts as a way to possibly reflect and heal themselves rather than get lost in further hurt/accusations or a mob mentality of simplistic, binary accusations regarding good vs. evil. Such mind frames, while understandable, imo, do little to help progress. Don't get me wrong, sometimes a swift and brutal response can be an effective way to stop something. Likewise, ignoring a problem only guarantees it will continue. However, other times, a response that is too brutal only ends up creating a counter intuitive response that further entrenches the behavior/psychology that caused the harm in the first place. As a once disgraced journalist (and now recovered addict), Johann Hari gave a wonderful Ted Talk a couple of years ago regarding public perceptions of how to properly address/help addicts. Shockingly, shaming them was not exactly at the top of productive strategies. To me, with everything said and considered, I think Jude Law’s thoughts with regards to online judgment are perhaps a good road map to consider: “I’m a great believer in appreciating, understanding, learning, and keeping an open dialogue that makes everybody feel comfortable and everybody included. Boycotting or withdrawing support from someone who has offended is understandable and can indeed be effective, but it can also stop people from listening to one another. I’d like to think that respectful dialogue is where change lives.” All of this considered, I find myself very much in line with what Idealich said further up this page. I will not blindly defend what can not be defended and I will not shame any women who have come forwards about how they were involved with Matt, but neither will jump on any binary, pitchfork wagons that seek to simplify the nature of Matt himself as either fully light or dark. No one is entirely good or evil. We are all capable of both wonderful and horrible things and it seems Matt has done both over the last 3 decades. A friend of mine discussed this some in private a few weeks ago: " I've noticed in the last few years people have lost the ability to see shades of grey and want the world to exist in black and white. Its like if one part of a person is deplorable every aspect of that person and all they do must be deplorable. I find this notion ridiculous. Lets say you found out tomorrow that Abraham Lincoln savagely beat his wife. Should we throw out the merits of the Emancipation Proclamation because of it? What if you found out one of the worlds greatest philanthropists had been cheating on his wife with a hooker, does it undo the good deeds and make them worthless? A statue of John A MacDonald was removed in Victoria because he was racist, which is absolutely terrible, but does it abolish the integral contributions to the birth of a nation? These are extreme examples I am using to illustrate a point. I am not comparing Beautiful Midnight to the Emancipation Proclamation in importance. I am just trying to illustrate there can be a line dividing good deeds and bad and how a bad deed doesn't have to destroy the merits of a good one. The current trend seems to be that any negative trait a person has overrides any positive ones. But as a mature and free thinking society are we so fragile we can no longer be presented with all the information and decide on our own if a person is good, bad or most likely somewhere in between? Few among us could live to such a standard and quite frankly if we held all art to that standard many of us would have to give up on a wide swath of things that have touched us, inspired us and brought moments of great joy and understanding to our lives because of what they were and often in spite of those who created them. ...I’ve heard many good stories about Matt too, stories where he waited around for hours after a show to sign autographs and take pictures, moments where he phoned suicidal fans in the middle of the night and stayed on the line until professional help could arrive...they also didn’t change my appreciation of the music. For me the person and the art have just always been two separate things. It reminds me of a quote I heard once "don't worship the man because every man is corruptible. Worship the idea because it is pure." And I suppose that’s how I feel about art and why while these allegations are upsetting it doesn’t change at all what the mans music has and still does mean to me. Each song he wrote was created by him, but it was given meaning by each of us individually by how we let it influence our lives. For anyone who feels differently I of course understand, and I again hope this message doesn’t rub anyone the wrong way as it was not my intention, but I do no service to myself or others by not speaking how I truly feel on the issue. Thanks to everyone else who has shared their thoughts and opinions here." Again, without excusing the things that cannot be excused, I agree with the above. Ever since 1999 when I first heard LMU on the radio, Matt was always there challenging me to consider the world; to consider what it might be like to walk in other people’s shoes; and to consider who I wanted to be as a human being. Hell, I even once offered to delete my account here last year because out of the 3 times he had posted here recently, 2 of them were in response to something I had said where he was essentially defending a position of his own and I felt bad that he might view this place as somewhere he always had to defend himself. In response to my private offer to delete my account, this was his initial response: “First, DO NOT stop posting on the Bored. Second, disagree with me as MUCH as you can. Because in that void, which in these times is a vacuum, lives debate.” He could have gotten rid of someone who challenged him and caused him to have to defend himself simply by taking me up on my offer, but he didn’t. That, to me, said something tangible about his character. To be very clear, again, I’m not saying any of the above excuses what he has allegedly done. It doesn’t. What all of it considered though does is remind me that people can have 2, or even more, sides to them. Final Thoughts I guess the only last thing to consider here is what is an appropriate response to all of the things we have learned in the last few weeks. Given that I can only speak for myself and that it is not my place to tell others to feel, I can only share my own thoughts. Without excusing anything, or taking any sides, I will not judge anyone: not the people sharing their stories or even Matt himself. When it comes to those sharing their stories they are obviously coming from a place of hurt (justified or unjustified; black, white or grey). When it comes to Matt, again, I keep returning to the phrase "hate the sin, not the sinner". In doing so it should allow me to remember the good aspects of Matt's personality and psyche, while still condemning the alleged behavior that may have resulted from his bipolarity and (imo) very possible personality disorder/addictions. To those who have been hurt by him, I hope you find closure/healing and I appreciate you sharing your stories. To Matt, as a fan of yours for over 2 decades, I do not hate you or think you are a horrible person. I think you are simply like countless individuals I have met over the last 12 years- incredibly flawed, but absolutely not without redeemable traits either. If you were to get yourself admitted to a concurrent disorders/dual diagnosis program somewhere in B.C I truly do think that- like so many other people I’ve met who have destroyed their lives/hurt those around them- you would begin be able to find the missing pieces whose invisibility has led to all of this madness. Once having done so- like so many I have met- you might be able to excise the darkness that resides in you and start living a better life. As Jeff Tweedy from Wilco (who also suffers from bipolarity) once said, contrary to the popular belief, you don’t need destruction in order to breath creation. I hope, as crappy as this has been for most involved, that rather than make anyone weaker, more angry or bitter, or mentally unstable, that in the long run this will eventually do the opposite and create an opportunity for people to heal, grow, and move beyond the hurt that has resulted from all of this. Thanks for reading.
  11. Good lord, man. Definitely doesn't look you had much free time at all. As always thanks for all the info. Love reading this stuff. Since you're cool with more questions, I'll throw another one out here with regards to tunings. Would I be correct in assuming Been Down was written in drop D and Feeling in standard? Would love to teach myself those two on guitar.
  12. Man, not that the versions on Youtube are bad by any means, but I can notice a big difference in the production quality from what was uploaded there verses what was is downloaded from Bandcamp. I'm assuming that simply has to do with there being less compression in the versions from Bandcamp verses what's uploaded on Youtube? Either way, I've been loving listening to these for several reasons, not least of which is that the production quality/style I heard on LOTGA can be heard in these too. If anyone who reads this enjoyed what they heard on Youtube, and has the the spare cash, I would strongly recommend purchasing a copy of the songs from Bandcamp. The increased production quality alone, imo, makes them worthwhile. I love the fine balance mix between acoustic/electric on different songs (Feeling and Enchanted for example) along with clearly defined and beautiful sounding drumming. Then there is the lyrical content. As I said elsewhere, John, I'm glad that when you originally uploaded them to Youtube that you included the lyrics to each song in real time. Processing both the lyrics of a song while listening to the instrumental work made it so that I gave/give more consideration to the meaning of the song each time I listen to them now. Similar to Matt's work, I'm also glad that they're written in a way that can be interpreted subjectively by the listener as opposed to some bland "My heart is broken" pop act lyrics, or a "I want to suffocate myself" emo/screamo, nu metal act (Papa Roach comes to mind). Another interesting thing is I find that the majority of these songs get stronger with each listen. It's funny you mentioned Jeff Buckley as an influence because my reaction to his work was the same too: I appreciated it more and more the more listens I gave each song. Speaking of influences, another note is that I can hear a lot of worthwhile ones in these songs without the over all song sounding derivative or unoriginal. Whether it's tinges of blues, folk, rock, or country, I can hear elements of all those genres though out different songs in both your albums. It seems you were/are definitely someone who came from the 90s (even though were you were playing in the 80s too) and I mean that in the best possible way in the sense that all of the best influences from 60s, 70s and 80s seemed to positively influence the greats that produced/wrote music in that time period/the decades afterwards. Like Buckley, Radiohead, Soundgarden, Coldplay, I would imagine all of you grew up with some of the same influences which would explain some of the similar sounds. That said, even though I can hear the similar influences, I do personally think that these are well enough written that they simply sound like "you" as well. Personal favorites for me are Been Down, Lover's Canyon, Feeling, and I Never Missed You (even though that one isn't included in either of the Bandcamp releases). With Been Down, that lead riff for the song, along with the drumming, immediately pulls you in. Then the bass and background acoustic take over to eventually progress to the verses where you do some fantastic vocals and from there the entire progression of the song is beautifully unique and ensnaring. I really appreciated that it keeps you engaged without turning into a generic, power chord rocker. I think that simply has to do with the way you wrote/mixed the drumming (love that constant, steady high hat in the chorus) along with the acoustic strumming in the chorus. Then the ending drives it home with that extra lead guitar. It really does showcase how being a good writer and a good producer can make a song even better than it would have been otherwise. Hell, even the subtle back ground electric in the pre-chorus adds that worthwhile, extra texture that I appreciate about well produced songs. Really, even today it could still fit well as a single on radio. Same thing goes for Feeling: I love how I can hear all the instruments as clearly as I can; the mix between acoustic and electric creates a very noticeable texture; and the drumming drives along with the main guitar work in a way that makes the song standout noticeably. With Lover's Canyon, as I've mentioned before, I really do enjoy the ending especially. I've found myself, more than a few times, turning it up on my speakers, grabbing my own guitar, plugging it in and jamming along with whatever random lead guitar I can come up. Same goes for Been Down too. They're just standout songs that really inspire more creativity in the listener. As a conclusion all can say, John, is that I really enjoyed this collection of songs that you wrote/recorded over the years and I'm grateful that on top of everything else you've done for us here you took the time to collect these and share them with us. Music to me (and I'm sure many others) is a little like heroin to other people: something that people seek out almost obsessively because of what it does for them (except that unlike heroin or other external drugs music is actually natural and healthy, lol). Listening to these songs does for me what all my favorite songs do by changing my mood and my thinking. Sometimes that change in mood and thought is positive, sometimes it's challenging, and sometimes it's pleasantly relaxing. These songs seems to do all of those things. To me, if an artist can achieve that for his or her listeners (whether it's millions or only few that do hear them) then they've succeeded in doing something worthwhile. For me, these songs did/do that. A couple questions for you when you have some free time to answer them: 1. With the space between the recording of each song, would I be right to assume that you just wrote/recorded all of these when you had free time in between recording other bands/musicians at Utopia Parkway Studios? 2. I mentioned that Been Down, Lover's Canyon, Essential Truth, and I Never Missed You were favorites of mine. Do you mind sharing the story behind these songs and what inspired you to write them? 3. You mentioned some influences yourself on your BC page. Would you include Zeppelin in there too? For some reason I thought of them a little when listening to Never Missed You (though that may just be my own subjective interpretation). 4. With regards to your vocal styles, as was noted early, you certainly do seem to know how to utilize different ones. I find that's pretty rare for artists. most of the time a vocalist only has one (or maybe two) and sticks with it through their career. In these songs though you seem to easily more back and forth between more than a few different ones depending on the genre and mood of the song. Was that intentional on your part or just kind of an unconscious adaptation you naturally did?
  13. Not that I doubted him, but John wasn't joking when he said he's a multi-instrumentalist, lol. Guy wrote, recorded and performed some decent songs of his own throughout the decades and seems to have more workable vocals styles than almost any artist I know. Been Down Vancouver 2010 Blues We Are Not One
  14. As always, thanks a lot for the effort that you 3 put into getting this out there ? I downloaded it yesterday. Aside from the picture quality being amazing, there's a little part at 12:11 (as they are finishing HSIY) that stuck out to me. Dave just has the biggest smile on his face. You could tell how much he enjoyed performing the song that night. Plus, Matt seemed really into their performance of Deep Six which is always great to watch. However, am I the only one that is now getting a "404- not found" message when clicking on Chad's site?
  15. This may have been mentioned else where, but it looks like Everything is Automatic has been scrubbed as well, unfortunately.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.