Do Me A Huge Favor!

[Prometheon]

OK, here's the deal: my best friend is launching an online magazine, and I'm the lead content writer. We're having meetings for bank loans and with potential advertisers.

 

How you can help:

 

Create a Twitter account and follow sansmagazine. That's it. I know Twitter is fucking stupid, but do it for me. I did it, and it literally took less than 60 seconds. (That's what she said.) Having a lot of followers is very helpful because the mag doesn't launch for a month, but every follower is a measure of the people our advertisers can plan on reaching. So seriously: I will love you forever <3.

 

AND HERE'S A TEASER ARTICLE (not by me though):

 

How I survived an evening with a Dominatrix: The How-To guide to “Fuck that hurts!”

By Sarah B

 

Alright gentlemen, listen up. Are you a pussy? Do you flinch when your girlfriend playfully pulls out your arm hair? Well man up, because word on the street is that bondage is hot this year and only getting hotter.

 

A dominatrix is a female who engages in sexual domination towards a submissive (which could be a man or woman… or plural… hot). She fancies bondage, sadomasochism and the like. Quite simply, a dominatrix is a girl who has decided to unleash her inner bitch. MALES: Beware of the nice girls! Being so nice all the time in the real world is exhausting. They will jump at the chance to seductively smack you around behind closed doors. Trust.

 

But what about a shout-out to the girl subs? They don’t need advice. We can take it. And we like it. Dominate us… we yearn for it. Males on the other hand are not used to being taken control of. A girl will tie herself up and wait with a big smile on her face to be spanked. A guy will be reluctant. Men can’t deal with powerlessness, but take it from me… it’s HOT.

Men are afraid to hurt women because of all the lawsuits and shit. It’s cute. Females are a fragile sort. Males? They are built to take the pain, and thus, a dominatrix will smack a bitch. Hardcore. Also, if you have angered this lady in any respect, she will use it against you in her sexual dungeon of pain. Just a warning…

 

SO… Are you a guy who is a little curious, but terrified by a fearless dom? No worries. Here are some tips:

 

[i can't post the rest or my art director will kill me, but I hope you dig it]

Edited May 12, 2010 by Prometheon

[Muran]

Owen, you know I love you, but to be 100% honest, I find this article's excerpt to be kind of poorly written. It's not engaging, it patronizes the reader and it sounds like the Slap-Chop guy wrote it.

 

Please don't yell at me. :/

[Prometheon]

I actually find the 'hook quotient' very high, and about 80% of the people who have been shown the full article have literally laughed out loud and devoured the whole thing with no prompting. But I do very much appreciate your opinion and input. And you know I love you too <3. You just may not be the audience (especially since you're already a sex god.) That's also the benefit of having many writers. Sarah's writing may not be for you. Fortunately she only wrote this one article, and the mag offers 10 others. But do you know who else is patronizing and condescending to his readers? You may have heard of him.

Edited May 12, 2010 by Prometheon

[Ravenous Yam]

blow me, and remove yourself from the internets

 

in whatever order you want

[Prometheon]

It's OK: I didn't want to love you forever anyway.

[sodamntired]

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=911_morons

 

that is like the greatest website since hotmail

and seanbaby.com

and don'ttellyourparentsyouarelookingatporn.org

*sigh*

Edited May 12, 2010 by sodamntired

[Muran]

I dunno, maybe it irks me that this kind of article sounds like something I'd read in a Cosmo, to make women feel like anyone"can be easily a dom or sub.

 

Maybe I used to like the idea that my fetishes were truly fetishes, and now, anyone girl with fuzzy handcuffs and a wooden spoon is a "dom". It's cool that people are more adventurous now, but it's also not cool that a lot of people don't think about how or why this stuff is "hot", they just follow along because the magazines all say how hot it is. This is how people get hurt, because they don't know how to be play safely and properly.

 

Is Sarah a legit top? I'd personally be less inclined to want to read her "how-to" article, if she's not.

 

Also, I prefer: Hyperbole And A Half

Edited May 12, 2010 by Muran

[Prometheon]

She's actually a legit bottom, oddly enough.

 

Also, that site is awesome. Merci!

Edited May 12, 2010 by Prometheon

[Muran]

Define "legit bottom"?

[Prometheon]

She has difficulties orgasming unless she's gagged, bound, blindfolded, etc.

[sodamntired]

i really will never understand the appeals of dominatrixes

she ties you up, beats you, won't let you cum.

yells at you.

 

explain.

[Muran]

She has difficulties orgasming unless she's gagged, bound, blindfolded, etc.

 

Ahh. I see. Good times. I approve. Has she had relationships with legit tops? sorry to be all 20-questions, but I'm trying to assess the quality of her how-to advice, no personal affront to her. (Side-note, you should send me the full article haha)

 

won't let you cum.

 

Sweetheart, sometimes that's the best part. Fun for girls and boys.

[Monochrome Rainbow]

Following now, Owen! Good luck with the business.

[Lauren]

i'm debating whether helping you is worth all the spam i'm going to get in my inbox as a result. and the article seems more like a blog entry than something that should be taken seriously. i would prefer more uniform punctuation and grammar, though i appreciate the writer's license.

[johnny]

Done. And as for spam @Lauren, eh? What spam? It's twitter, as long as I've been on, the only 'spam' I;ve received has been if anyone follows me and spams at me for a day. I just block/report for spam and they're done with, only had a handful over the last 5-6 months.

[Lauren]

that makes it more worthwhile. i'm also scared that if i get a twitter account i will actually use it, and i don't need to waste any more of my time online.

i'm really trying to keep my name/info off the internet as much as possible.

[borntohula]

you didn't pick the best screen name for that then. ;)

 

owen, if you need an editor (and this is by no means a jab at the copy you've provided upthread) let me know.

 

tracy's comments do have merit though. the line "because word on the street is that bondage is hot this year and only getting hotter" is pretty awful, as it assumes the readership is just waiting for the next hottest sex trend that they can be a part of: "oh rape is so 2007." it does answer the all-important "why" factor, but not in a very intelligent way. also, sarah b should calm down on the ellipses.

[Ravenous megin-sane]

truth.

 

 

 

78

[hum-an-ole]

also, sarah b should calm down on the ellipses.

 

Agreed

[RicardoObviouso]

the problem with start-up magazines is that they are all full of inexperience and try way way too hard. it takes thousands of pieces and many years to get to the point where one can successfully pull off an editorial or opinion piece.

 

in my opinion, every writer/journalist should start off writing about actual events. want to talk about sex and bondage? go to a bondage club and report what you saw.

 

 

 

i've been interviewed by start up magazines as many times as my company has been profiled by legitimate business papers/mags, and i can tell you where i'd rather spend my time. the former are quite embarrassing (and not for me) in comparison.