Text Archive Of Matt's Blog Post On "hospital Music"

[dontexpect]

Hi MG community,

 

I was discussing some of the tracks on Hospital Music with colleagues today and recommended they listen to the album while reading Matt's lengthy blog post about his troubles on the road that lead to his time in hospital, and inevitably, the album itself.

 

Then, BUMMER, it's disappeared from the internet!

 

I was able to find some news articles that referenced and quoted lightly from that blog post, but since Matt discontinued his blog I haven't been able to find any working links to the full text.

 

Does anyone here have a copy of his essay?

 

It would be a real shame if his words were scrubbed out by an expired URL...

 

Hopefully someone's got a copy, screenshot, link, etc. of the essay and we can resurrect it for others to appreciate.

 

Thanks for your help -

 

-- Luke

[uglyredhonda]

I scanned through the Web Archive for his blog posts during that era (late 2006), but couldn't find what I was remembering. There was this, though:

 

Biography: Hospital Music

 

I remember being in the shower drinking a beer thinking to myself that something wasn’t right. It didn’t cross my mind at the time that the reason for my state was of my own doing, just that I felt terribly wrong. And as I sat on the floor of that shower, feebly trying to block the water from getting inside that can of beer, I thought to myself – how did it come to this?

 

To the majority, the success that I have enjoyed, or my profession alone, would be cause for celebration. Fame, the perceived wealth and perks that come with it, the friends and the constant attention, are bizarrely appealing to many in our society today, so much so that one of the most popular current pop-culture phenomenon’s at present is a television show which thousands of people audition for in hopes of being handed fame, fortune, and all of the supposed trappings that come with it. Somewhere in there, between trying to comprehend the desire of contestants to use whatever means necessary to assuage their desire to secure fame, and the numbness I felt sitting on the floor of that shower, I started to think about Nick Drake.

 

I have been a fan of Drake’s work for a considerable amount of time, but what has always impacted me the most about him was his lack of success despite his brilliance and the circumstances under which he suffered that caused him not only to produce the material that he did, but kept him from becoming something that many could gravitate towards because of the need of others to match talent with the desire to project the enjoyment of celebrity. Nick Drake suffered from depression and extreme insomnia, and in his later life refused to leave his parent’s home in Far Leys. Drake would eventually take his own life in 1974, though there are some in his family that believe that he had simply tried to take the medication that he was on to help him fall asleep and, in a state of confusion, had taken more than he should have. Given where I find myself now, months after that night in the shower, I like to think that that was the case. Because the reason that I was in that shower that night is that I had done the exact same thing.

 

I don’t remember what happened afterwards. I don’t remember being carried out of my parent’s house by paramedics or being in emergency. I don’t recall the blur of words to the paramedics in the ambulance on the way to hospital, some of which pleaded with them to let me pass. All I remember is waking up, the white lights of the room, the feeling that washed over me when certain individuals that had been prevalent in my life were not there nor would come to the hospital during my stay, and the feeling that I had reached a point in my life where everything that I was represented little more than a prison from which I could not escape. My divorce, its betrayal, the usury, the falseness of those that had surrounded me for so long had constructed a wall in front of me, one which I would daily stand before unsuccessfully attempting to engineer a way over. To most, these things are not conditions of fame and success. In fact, many would argue that to hold in contempt all that I have achieved is disgraceful, as most would, in a heartbeat, trade places with me in a second. But you see, that is where the difference lies between those for whom art is akin to breathing, be it for the better or worse, and one in which notoriety is the focus. I would later discover that, like many others, I suffer from bipolarity, which when placed in the context of the creative is both a blessing and a curse. But it is not for others to say what is and is not acceptable when it comes to how one views success in what I perceive as the arts and the majority perceives as entertainment. That, in and of itself, is what separates the Nick Drake’s of this world from those contestants that battle to impress a panel of judges and a television audience.

 

Prior to recording Hospital Music I spent a great deal of time confronting the past. In doing so I discovered something interesting, that through it all I viewed myself as beholden to the needs of others, even if it meant that I would endure immense anxiety because of it. I spent a great deal of time wading through past relationships and honestly examining their purpose, and in doing so came to the realization that, for years, I had not been all that honest with myself. That, more than anything else, influenced the material on this record, producing, at times, uncomfortable realizations represented in song. Some might, upon examination, call them bitter. Others might disregard them altogether, searching more for the comfortable familiarity of past work. But the truth is that what was ultimately produced was beyond my control in that, given everything that had transpired, it either had to be honest or I would have to walk away from music altogether. In the end, these fifteen songs combine to represent a remembrance, one that, in no small way, both began and ended on the floor of a shower.

[Guest girl]

I remember the blog during that tough time in his life. I wish I could read it again. It was very interesting. I remember Matt's brutal honesty, more than anything else.He tells the truth like it is and never loses his sense of integrity. He has been like that since day one, or from what I've seen from him so far. This is one of the reasons I respect him a lot. For me, It shed a little light on what it must be like to live with bi-polarity. I remember he said that before he accidentally overdosed, he went into the shower and while he was showering asked his Mom to get him a beer. He must have been dangerously out of it. If I recall, I think he mentioned that he was said some really sad stuff out loud while being rushed to emergency. Maybe he didn't remember saying any of it.

Also when he was in the hospital, his ex-wife didn't even come to visit him. That is one very cold and unfeeling person. I wouldn't want to be her, that's for sure. It's sad to see that the stigma associated with bipolarity is still alive and well today.

Oh, another thing that stood out to me, was when his ex-wife told Matt's mom that she doesn't do "crazy". She is a real piece of work.

Edited January 9, 2013 by girl

[uglyredhonda]

Also when he was in the hospital, his ex-wife didn't even come to visit him. That is one very cold and unfeeling person. I wouldn't want to be her, that's for sure.

 

Still hunting. On this subject, found this post, titled Ghosted. Can't link directly to it, and the content feels too personal to re-post here, but it's about half-way down this page:

 

http://web.archive.o...atthewgood.org/

 

----

 

EDIT:

 

Okay, I think I found the one Luke was looking for. Really, really long (and extremely personal) one.

 

http://web.archive.o...hospital-music/

Edited January 9, 2013 by uglyredhonda

[MS_DOS]

Still hunting. On this subject, found this post, titled Ghosted. Can't link directly to it, and the content feels too personal to re-post here, but it's about half-way down this page:

 

http://web.archive.o...atthewgood.org/

 

----

 

EDIT:

 

Okay, I think I found the one Luke was looking for. Really, really long (and extremely personal) one.

 

http://web.archive.o...hospital-music/

 

Awesome finds, thanks! I remember when he posted those entries and have been trying to find them ever since he took them down. Now if I can just find the one where he talks about how the record company made him change/write new songs for records to make the albums more mainstream.

[dontexpect]

UglyRedHonda, thanks for your fruitful digging!

 

I always forget about the wayback machine and how useful it can be...

 

It's good to know there are other fans who remembered that post and wanted to unearth it again.

 

Cheers!

[Guest girl]

Thanks Chris. Great research skills! Wow, look at all the fan comments in that second link Chris posted:

 

http://web.archive.org/web/20070601221338/http://www.matthewgood.org/2007/04/hospital-music/#comments

 

He has many, many fans who care about him. Well, that doesn't really surprise me. He's an all around great guy.

Edited January 15, 2013 by girl

[AnOceanPearl]

I'm so glad someone found that post again. I remember reading it many times when it was first posted and I've read it probably 5 or 6 times since Chris posted the link. I'm not exaggerating when I say his music has changed my life and helped me get through some really dark times, and growing up and living with my mom, who suffers from manic depression and bipolarity, that post helped put things into a better perspective for me.

[sodamntired]

chris, me?

[sodamntired]

"the other Chris"

[Guest girl]

I'm glad at least one public figure like Matt tells the truth, unlike Lance Armstrong. Matthew Good is 10X better than Lance, who is a liar/cheater. I can't believe I bought a bag of those yellow, LIVE STRONG bracelets. If anyone wants a bracelet, I can send it to you for free. Or maybe I will just throw them in the garbage. I no longer have respect for Lance Armstrong.

[Zoon]

I printed this blog post when it was first published and I still read it from time to time. It's really moving.

[finboy]

I believe I still have all the pictures he made in the hospital saved, though I would have to check. Unfortunately I don't check these forums as often as I used to, but I will try to remember when I get home.

[AnOceanPearl]

I'll save you the trouble and just link to the flickr set:

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/unicornsof911/sets/72157594309847731/

[finboy]

I'll save you the trouble and just link to the flickr set:

 

http://www.flickr.co...57594309847731/

 

i LOVE that series, so much so that I had the narcissistic personality disorder one made into a shirt.