Jump to content

Anyone Got Any Poems Or Songs They Wrote

Recommended Posts




50 Ways to Scare People In the Computer Room


1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and

scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.


2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop

and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.


3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on

duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's

turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the

process for a good half hour.


4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to

you evilly.


5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to

different screen than the one it's set up with.


6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it

at the highest volume possible over & over again.


7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by

something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.


8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into

top-secret Pentagon files.


9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.


10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turnit on.


11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.


12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.


13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.


14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before



15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until

someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say,

"Oops, I forgot."


16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time

required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.


17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"


18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you(It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).


19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets.Type by hitting the keys with the straw.


20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time



21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.


22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive,when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.


23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.


24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.


25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.


26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the

person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you

never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this

releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them



27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.


28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.


29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove

shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer bylayer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.


30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up yourpaper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.


31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!"and continue working.


32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is



33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.


34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.


35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying

"Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.


36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.


37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that

sometimes the old ways are best.


38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.


39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times,erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your*delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've

deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then,

suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the

space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!"Print out your document and leave.


40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the labmonitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (Forspecial effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)


41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really

puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly.

Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.


42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while makingelaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.


43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.


44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they geta chance to figure out you're a total stranger.


45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.


46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.


47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.


48. Run into the computer lab with a mgb hat on and, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!",then calmly sit down and begin to type.


49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearestperson and say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like #19. Very funny.


I wrote a short story once, based on the song suburbia, and has random quotes throughout.


It's not bad, but looking back on it, I ripped too much shit off. (I put everything i quotations and whatnot, but it just seems like too central a part of the story)


If I can find it, perhaps I'll put it up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.