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My Idea For The Best Movie Ever.

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Ok, there's this regular guy named Doug, and all his friends and family think he has a normal job, but he's actually a ninja. He's not part of some gang or stupid ninja society, he is his own solo freelance ninja.


So one day he's kicking some ass, and he kills a ninja guy named Dan with his lucky ninja-star. But when ninja Doug ain't looking, the "dead" guy gets up and runs away with the lucky ninja-star still stuck in his chest. Ninja Doug is pissed cuz it was his fav ninja star, so goes on a quest to find it.


He feels sad, so he goes & buys himself a new pair of awesome diamond-studded nun-chucks. He falls in love with the bitch who works at the store. Her name is Diane Twatington


He hunts down the guy named Dan with his ninja star, slices his head off with the new nun-chucks, and takes the star back. Then he sees a diamond fell off his nun-chucks, and it fell down the dead guys throat into his stomaCH. Ninja Doug rams his fist down his throat to find it, but Dead Dan's ninja friends come to fight. Doug kicks their asses using Dead Dan with his fist still down the throat, then finds the diamond. He pisses on dead Dan's decapitated head for good measure.


He goes back home to rest. Then there's a nuclear bomb explosion. Canada is under attack. He goes outside to see the explosion and he sees Dead Dan alive again and mutated with a new head, and he's all super tripped-out and is this mega-awesome power ninja now. Ninja Doug kicks Mega Dead Dan's ass in an epic battle for the ages.


But Ninja Doug's country is all torn to shit from nukes. So he gets in his hover-craft and travels to China to get revenge. He kills the entire Chinese army, pisses on Tienamen Square, but discovers they weren't the ones with the nukes. he hover-crafts to Quebec and finds the FLQ separatist terrorists who nuked Canada. He kills them all with frog-shaped ninja-stars & Celine Dion CD's (thrown like ninja-stars). He goes to the U.S. and kills George W. Bush for kicks, nails Cheney's wife, pushes the "nuke" button for the middle-east, then goes home.


Ninja Doug then bones the bitch he fell in love with at the nun-chuck store in a 45-minute hardcore porn scene. They have a baby girl & name her "Dan".


The End.

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I would buy the book if the word "ninja" came up more frequently. Alas, your ninja ratio falls somewhat short.




WHAT??? SCREW YOU?!?!? What do you know about ninja MOVIES???!?!?! This is the 9th Ninja movie i've written!!! Recent polls suggest 86% of Hollywood thinks my movie kicks ASS! My script has also received the official endorsement of the WNA (World Ninja Association).


Got $35,000 for the script. It was bought by Miramax Studios and will be directed by Bob Saget. Currently doing casting and location, film should be out by Fall 2006.

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There are definitely too few ninja movies being made right now. My favorite one was the one with the three kids. Oh man, I gots to get that on DVD.

Those 3 ninja kids will make a guest appearence in my movie. Ninja Doug will kick their asses for being losers, then the kids will get ass-raped by Doug's creepy uncle.

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will this movie be porn?

no, but there will definately be some graphic nudity and sex scenes...except for the 3 Ninja's getting ass-raped, we won't see that (i know, its unfortunate).

will that scene be available as an extra on the dvd?

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no, they're won't be any room on the Dvd's. I'm already commited to a 4-disk boxset for the DVD, and all the extras are basically all just video clips of me doin' & saying stuff & looking cool. Its what the fans want.


There's also gonna be a still-photo gallery, but again its all me.

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