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Simpson Lines

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Homer: Here are your messages:

"You have 30 minutes to move your car",

"You have 10 minutes",

"Your car has been impounded",

"Your car has been crushed into a cube",

"You have 30 minutes to move your cube".

[phone ringing]

Homer: [answers] Yello, Mr. Burns' office.

Burns: Is it about my cube?



Homer: Hello, My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me...

Post Officer: Okay, Mr. Burns...what is your first name?

Homer: I don't know...

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Guy: "Hello, my name is Guy Incognito!"

Moe: "Get out Homer"

Guy: "Homer? Who is "Homer"?"

(gets thrown out)


Edited by Yasa
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Marge: (inside, washing dishes)Bart, is your father quite finished with that barbeque?

Homer: (outside, running with umbrella) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!

Homer shoves umbrella into barbeque, which opens and sends him flying

Bart: He's done.



Mmmm... unexplained bacon.

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Pretty much everything spoken in the Homer Badman episode, such as:


Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on [splice] her sweet [splice] can. [splice] -- o I grab her -- [splice] sweet can. [splice] Oh, just thinking about [splice] her [splice] can [splice] I just wish I had he -- [splice] sweet [splice] sweet [splice] s-s-sweet [splice] can.

Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?

Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]

Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.

[paused shot of Homer grows larger]

No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back! Get back! Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!

Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.



As well, Homer Goes to College is a fucking classic.


Dean: I'm sorry, boys, I've -- I've never expelled anyone before,

but...that pig had some powerful friends.

Nixon: [bitterly] Oh, you'll pay. Don't think you won't pay!


Marge: [hearing modem noises] Ooh, what's wrong with this phone? it's

making crazy noises.

Nerd 2: [contemptuously] Those "crazy noises" are computer signals.

Nerd 3: Yeah. Some guys at MIT are sending us reasons why Captain

Picard is better than Captain Kirk.

Nerd 1: Hah! They're outta their minds.

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Homer: "while i was at the courthouse i had them change YOUR name. from now on you can be chesty la rue."

Marge: something to the effect of "i don't want to be chesty larue"

Homer: "just try it for two weeks! if you're not completely satisfied you can be busty st. claire"

Marge: "i don't want to be chesty la rue OR busty st. claire!"

Homer: "fine. hooty mcboob it is."

Marge: "good night homer."

Homer: "good night hooty"

Marge: "let go of those"

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marge: and try to be nice to my sisters. it's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.


homer: oh, ok marge, i'll get along with them. then, i will hug some snakes. yes. then, i will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes.

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homer: oh, look at me. i'm making people happy. i'm the magical man from happyland in a gumdrop house on lollipop lane. oh, by the way, i was being sarcastic.


this one is by far my favourite.


homer: crying isn't going to bring the dog back, unless your tears smell like dog food. so you can sit here and eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to bring your dog back, or you can go out and find him.


bart: alright, i'll do it.


homer: damn, i almost had the boy eating dog food.

Edited by Scot
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Lisa: I'm not a state, I'm a monster!

Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!



Pepe: Oh, Papa Homer, you are so learn`ed.

Homer: Heh heh heh. `Learn'd', son. It's pronounced `learn'd'


Homer: Remember when I used to push you on the swing?

Bart: I was faking it.

Homer: Liar!

Bart: Oh yeah? Remember this? "Higher, Dad! Higher! Whee! Whee! Push harder dad!''



(Skinner and Krabapple were caught making out in a school closet, but Ralph perceived it differently)

Ralph: Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabapple were making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

Chief Wiggum: The baby looked at you?



(Ned Flanders having a nervous breakdown)

Ned: Aw hell diddly ding-dong crap!


Marge: Ned! We meant well, and everyone here tried their best.

Ned: Well my family and I can't live in good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family's out of control, but we can't blame you, because you have good intentions!

Bart: Hey! Back off, man!

Ned: Ooh okay, dude! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, man! Here's a catch-phrase you better learn for your adult years: "Hey, Buddy, got a quarter?"

Bart: I am shocked and appalled.



Lisa: Well, I know it sounds absurd. But I dreamed the Boogeyman was after me and he's...

Homer: AHHH! BOOGEYMAN! You nail all the doors and the windows; I'll go get the gun!


Skinner: Good work, Nibbles. Now chew through my balls

Edited by The_Stooge
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pretty much any of the lines from the Cypress Creek episode:


scorpio: "whats the problem"

homer: "well my family wants to move back to springfield"

scorpio: "let 'em go...youll stay here with me...we'll go bowling"




(on the phone)

scorpio: "yes..what happened? when did that happen? how much of it? oh my goodness ill be right up"

(hangs up phone)

scorpio: "homer, i gotta go upstairs...theres a problem...somebody ate part of my lunch"

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"dear ms. hoover: You have lime disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me. Come back soon.


p.s. Here's a drawing of a spirochete


love, Ralph"






"homer: yes, mr. scorpion


scorpio: um, don't call me that. it's mr. SCORPIO. but don't call me that either. call me hank"

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