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benneb

Simpson Lines

By benneb, in Open Discussion

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crazycanuck

crazycanuck

Posted
Posted

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

 

 

Never! Never, Marge! I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called city fathers, who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?!

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HoboFactory

HoboFactory

Posted
Posted

Homer: "Then came the rocks, jagged rocks, hitting me with their jags."

 

---

 

Police Chief Wiggum: "This is clearly a case of animal cruelty. Do you have a permit for that?"

 

---

 

Mr. Burns: "Someone up there likes me, Smithers."

Smithers: "Someone down here likes you too, sir."

 

---

(Homer has taken an experimental appetite reducer)

Male scientist: "Homer, you honestly don't want to eat any of the food in front of you?"

Homer: "Food? What food? Ahhh! I'm blind!"

Male scientist speaking to female scientist: "Oh great, who's gonna want to buy a pill that makes you blind?"

Female scientist: "We'll let marketing worry about that."

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supercanuk

supercanuk

Posted
Posted (edited)

Burns: Looks smithers its the spruce moose! Hop in!!!

Smithers: But sir it's just a..

- gun cocking sound -

Burns: I said, hop in....

 

Diamond Joe: " Vote Qimby!"

 

Smithers:" John I thought you said your mother was sick?"

(John and Smithers hooking up lol )

Edited by supercanuk
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Vegas Villain

Vegas Villain

Posted
Posted

Outta the way jerkass!

 

What's the hand of one hand clapping?

This (claps with one hand)

 

What are you gonna do? Send the dogs after me? or the bees? or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

 

mmmm invisible cola

 

what about the weiner?

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crazycanuck

crazycanuck

Posted
Posted

Marge: Homer, it's the thought that counts. The moral of this story is a good deed is its own reward.

Bart: Hey, we got a reward. The head is cool.

Marge: Well then... I guess the moral is no good deed goes unrewarded.

Homer: Wait a minute. If I hadn't written that nasty letter, we wouldn't've gotten anything.

Marge: Well... then I guess the moral is the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Lisa: Perhaps there is no moral to this story.

Homer: Exactly! It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.

Marge: But it certainly was a memorable few days.

Homer: Amen to that!!!

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Little_Bird

Little_Bird

Posted
Posted

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

 

Lenny: So then I said to the cop, "No, you're driving under the influence ... of being a jerk."

 

Brandine: Aw Cletus, why'd ya have to park next to my parents for?

Cletus: Now, Brandine, they's my parents too...

 

Rainier Wolfcastle: My eyes! The goggles! They do nothing!

 

 

Yeah ... that covers it.

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RicardoObviouso

RicardoObviouso

Posted
Posted (edited)
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.

Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

i love that.

 

What are you gonna do? Send the dogs after me? or the bees? or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

nevermind... i love this one.

Edited by one_trick_pony
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