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The "one-up" Thread

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OMG like once i got drunk and then i threw up all over myself and i came home late and my mom got mad and i was all like "naw bitch" cuz im cool like that and then i listenned to some dave matthews and made out with some chix and hunnies whose names i dont remember and stole a car and flew to jupiter and then i ran out of alcohol so i like peed in my mouth but that didnt work but that didn't stop me from doing it some more until some dudes were all like "word" and i was all like "damn" and we fought and stuff but now we tight so we dropped some weed and smoked some acid and exposed ourselves to some kindergardeners yelling "touch it!" loudly and then the pigs came and fucked up how we were rollin.

 

moral of the story: i can get drunk better than you can get drunk ego ego ego ego ego ego ego me and my friends are the roxorz

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Holy shit! I can't believe I forgot about this one!

 

It was my 17th birthday, and I was determined to get wasted. I'd devised a pretty cool idea too; a rooftop party. We'd have lawn chairs, a boombox, and some booze on top of a nearby elementary school.

 

When we got there, most of my friends decided to be pussies and didn't wanna do it. They left soon after, leaving only me, and my 3 closest buddies. We get absolutely hammered, and 2 of them leave at about midnight, leaving just me and my friend Riley.

 

So we're lying on top of the rooftop, just completely messed up, when all of a sudden the door opens.

 

"What the fuck!? What the fuck!?" is running through our heads, when a guy in a security outfit steps out and looks at us. We didn't even bother sitting up.

 

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Oh uh...we're just hanging out."

"You do know you're on top of a school right?"

"...yeah"

 

The guy turned out to be really cool. His name was Officer Balbora (I always thought it was Balboa, like Rocky) and he was messing around with us and having a fun time. We asked him how he'd found us up here:

 

"Did like, someone complain about the noise or something?"

"No man, we have sattelites up in space, and we were looking at them and we saw you down here."

"....whoa."

 

Another favorite:

 

"Alright, well you guys didn't break anything, so I'm just gonna issue a ban from all Peel District School Rooftops. Just don't do this again."

"What about if we go to a Catholic school next time?"

"Oh, Catholics are fine. Night guys."

 

I stumbled home at about 4 in the morning, and my mom was still awake! I walk into the living room, balancing myself against the door.

 

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'M JUST TIRED!!!!"

*collapse*

 

Good times...

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My buddies and I went to Whisky-a-GO GO for my friend's 20th. I don't know how much we drank, but when my friend was damn near passed out - the one whose birthday it was - my other friend took his wallet and bought the rest of us all lap dances. EDIT: ( with his money )

 

I remember her saying, "you're not supposed to touch me there they usually kick you out for that. you're not supposed to touch me there either."

 

Anyway, after we'd left my friends ordered hot dogs from the vendor right outisde the club. I was quite drunk, restless and bored waiting for them, so I decided it would be cool to kick over the hot dog vendor's sign. It was one of those stand-alone two-sided signs which pulls out to look like this /\. I suppose it had the hot dog/sausage prices on it. at any rate, I kicked it over.

 

The next day one of my friends asked me if I remembered kicking the sign. I said, "yeah I remember kicking it over". he says, "no man you took a running start and punted that thing like 10 feet. it was the coolest thing I've ever seen." " the hot dog guy yelled at you and we had to leave."

 

I still don't remember kicking it that far but I have a few witnesses who insist that I did.

Edited by heyrabbit
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"What's wrong with you?"

"I'M JUST TIRED!!!!"

*collapse*

 

Good times...

i've used that one a few times.

 

 

 

 

i have another one.

 

 

just this past christmas,my best buddy from high school and i got together and pretty much drank from the 18th to the 26th every day.

 

on the 26th, there was supposedly $2.25 pints at this bar very close to his house and like two blocks from my aunt's. we got there and the special wasnt on because of the holidays, but we decided to stay anyways. about four hours later and just about $200 deep, we decide to leave. we both COMPLETELY hammered. and had already been this -> <- close to a fight with some punk and had a run in with a super drunk chick who was at first hitting on us, then telling us that her husband would come kick our asses. we leave, and walk down the street... he decides to kick a fence... and it tips over, of course this fills us both with a little testosterone, and i pull on this credenza and the hole fucking thing tips over and crashes through another persons fence... my buddy runs to the end of the block and kicks down ANOTHER fence, and when i get there i realize its my aunt's house. he had smashed down her fence. anyways, he takes off and i try to repair her fence completely trashed.

 

so i fix it as best i can, and i walk to the front door because i decided to say merry christmas. i walk through the door and my cousin and her are sitting in the living room upstairs. my cousin goes into his suite and brings me a christmas gift, its a terrycloth robe. usually i would have been all "thanks" but i was drunk, so i was just loving the thing. i put it on and wore it around the house. i told my aunt to fuck off a couple times (i never swear around her) and passed out on her couch in the family room. at about 4am i wake up and puke all over her floor, all over my new robe, and all over the blanket i'm using. i drag them both to the washroom, throw them in the tub, and go back to bed. the next morning i wake up and see the puke all over the floor, so i wash it up. about 45 minutes later the guys' whos fences we destroyed are walking up and down the block surveying the damage. i guess i had told my aunt and cousin that my buddy had tipped their fence, so i went out to aplogize to the neighbours and offer to pay to get it fixed. the guy proceeds to tell me "i saw about 4 young punks running up and down the block smashing bottles and ripping up the fences, i chased them down the block but they took off" and he helps me better repair my aunt's fence. i obviously kept my mouth shut.

 

anyways, i left shortly after and about two weeks i get a call from my aunt telling me that the second bathroom stunk, so she went into it and found the blanket and robe in the tub (which i completely forgot about), covered in two week old puke.

Edited by one_trick_pony
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my first year of college, we had the trews play our school, and my room mate and I got completely trashed, and got up on stage with the band during "not ready to go"

 

we got to sing the chorus, and they gave us free beers for being "so into the show" apparently they love fans like us when there's no security whatsoever.

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Guest jsunC
my first year of college, we had the trews play our school, and my room mate and I got completely trashed, and got up on stage with the band during "not ready to go"

 

we got to sing the chorus, and they gave us free beers for being "so into the show" apparently they love fans like us when there's no security whatsoever.

Wow, that's awesome. The Trews kick ass

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