Some Say I'm Crazy.

[Daedalus]

When Matt talks about his bipolar disorder it often gets me thinking. I don't have bipolar; they say I have major atypical psychotic depression but it's all semantics. I've known something was wrong with me my entire adult life, and a lot of my latter teen years. Just recently did I seek out treatment, now they have me on a stew of chemicals every day.

 

What I have means that I can feel good when good things happen but am hypersensitive to what people say, do, or what happens to me. I can become suicidally depressed at the most mundane things which can last for days. I can become psychotic and totally lose myself for hours for no apparent reason although that seems to be getting better because of the serequel. It is tiresome.

 

Reading week just ended and midterms of my final year are upon me and its a tough time for me. I often find my condition gets far worse in times of stress. I could go on about my self but to be truthful being "insane" really is something one has to experience for themselves to fully understand, and even then its fucking confusing as hell.

 

The point of this post is for the most part to get other peoples take on it. I'm curious to know what you all think about the whole issue, mental illness is just starting to become mainstream and recognized as a medical and treatable thing to the general public. To be truthful I find myself feeling really alone tonight as I often do. From the years of trolling around these boards I have developed a certain familiarity with the people here, even though I rarely find myself posting anymore I am here every day.

 

Feel free to ridicule, share your stories, points of view or whatever. I remember the post about medications where many people here were on one thing or another, so I know I'm not alone in this! It seems an "open discussion" enough topic.

 

Cheers

[primetime_deliverance]

Well my story is pretty simple.

 

One day I took an especially strong dose of hallucinogens.

The same night, my friend smoked too much weed and had an asthma attack (lol noob). Needless to say it resulted in me having a veryy bad trip. Since then I haven't touched any kind of drugs, but the experience has left me really prone to panic attacks and anxiety. I probably already had a genetic predisposition to it because its really common in my family. Whatever it is, I just accept it as part of me and live with it the best I can.

 

I have a lot more to say on this issue beyond my little story, I'm just too tired to think...

[uglybutterfly]

Google bot is here for you, Its posting help links on the bottom of this page.

 

And Dan you're not alone in this, as stupid as it seems coming from a complete stranger on the interweb there's lots of people suffering and as many people that would be more than willing to talk. Even if its just on the interweb.

 

That being said I'm kind of glad mental illness is coming into the mainstream. Its allowed me to be more open about my own issues and I'm actually to the point of considering getting help which is cool. I could dig trying the "happy" thing for a while, just to see what it feels like.

[Daedalus]

The happy thing is nice, I don't get it often though. Unfortunately I don't take well to anti anxiety or anti depression meds. But the crap they have me on now seems to help a bit.

 

Also go go Google add bot!

[Stryfe]

I don't think I have any psychological disorders, but I do suffer from Migraine Aura's and Migraine headaches.

[shade]

I think the big problem with a lot of mental illness is that doctors just keep throwing drugs upon drugs at them. I agree it is pretty mainstream...everyone wants to diagnose everyone. It's just another obstacle to overcome...obviously there are plenty of degrees of mental behaviour though, I've had to deal with quite a few friends/family that were "T3h Carzy!1"

 

 

My take on this is...get as much lithium as you can for your bipolar disorder...sell it...and live like a king rolling in moneys.

 

But honestly, who the hell doesn't feel alone nowadays?

[Prometheon]

It's because of a decrease in practitioners of Behavioral Activation therapy (which has shown equal rates of treatment to drugs in certain disorders) and more traditional Gestalt therapies, (which have been proven at least somewhat effective.) Pharmaceuticals are not always the answer.

[bishopx]

No one therapy is the solution. Psych meds are meant to be tempered with counseling and regular evaluation by a Psychiatrist. I am also glad that mental health issues are becoming more "mainstream". The stigma that goes with those suffering from these issues, is unjustified. Being Bipolar,manic,or clinically depressed are real states of being. Just throwing drugs at a problem without a concise plan, is a waste of time, and can only do harm. When I do make the change, after I finish my degree to counseling. It would be careless of me, not work in concert with the psychiatrists who are seeing my patients. Treating mental health issues, is just like treating anything else, it takes a team to diagnose, act, and monitor a patient in for heart issues, the same rules apply the mind as well.

[RicardoObviouso]

ecstacy works great.

[Daedalus]

I happen to be lucky in that here at school I have a psychiatrist who is great, and a physician who specializes in counseling and cognitive therapy. Unfortunate for me is cognitive therapy doesn't do shit all if my mood changes at the drop of a hat so I have to see the psychiatrist often to adjust and work out a medication plan. It took a lot of work to find something that helped at all. Just got back from the doctor and I'm now on a stimulant to keep me from passing out or not getting out of bed in the morning. Woot!

 

Where I fully agree that medication is not always the answer, and am a strong supporter of therapy fist medication second it is unfortunate that a lot of people have a very ridiculous stigma towards medication. I recieved therapy for several months before I went on any drugs and I cant imagine where I'd be without the medication and support of my doctors and friends. I currently take 5 different medications a day, while that might seem like a lot the amazing thing with todays medicine is how fine tuned the medications are. Where 20 years ago they would throw one pill that would be like a shotgun blast at what was wrong today each symptom is for the most part targeted specifically. I have no problems openly talking about it with others. To me it is no different than having diabetes; it is simply a different chemical(s) that is out of balance. The whole science of it is fascinating.

 

I take Trileptal to decrease the over active portions of my brain to ideally dream less and sleep more while at the same time allowing my mind to heal, Serequel to reduce 'egodistonic' thoughts and psychotic breakdowns, Welbutrin to improve my mood, Atenolol to reduce the occurance of migraines, and ritalin/dexedrine to ideally allow me to function in school and not be dead tired all the time. If anyone finds themselves taking medication what i recommend is not to just take your doctors word for it, look it up and know exactly what the thing is for. You can refuse to take something, it is surely your right.

 

While I know I will have several bouts of deep depression and activity at times that is mad it is comforting and helpful to talk to people and help is also very welcome for a medical practitioner. The thing I welcome most about the whole issue being more main stream and understood is that perhaps people that are suffering alone will realize that they can go to a doctor to get help if they want to.

 

I'm sure I'll have more to say later.

 

Cheers

Edited February 27, 2007 by Daedalus

[saturnine]

i was on ritalin way before it was cool. i'm talking 12-15 years ago.

[Daedalus]

I remember years ago the boy scouts speaking out against Ritalin as it "keeps boys from being boys". I always found that humorous. I'll be honest, when the doc mentioned it the first thing that came to my mind was the episode of the Simpson where Bart shoots down the MLB satellite. I hope I don't start thinking major sports leagues are spying on me, although they may well be.

[Computer]

i'm up from 150 to 225mgs with effexor, woot

[saturnine]

I remember years ago the boy scouts speaking out against Ritalin as it "keeps boys from being boys". I always found that humorous. I'll be honest, when the doc mentioned it the first thing that came to my mind was the episode of the Simpson where Bart shoots down the MLB satellite. I hope I don't start thinking major sports leagues are spying on me, although they may well be.

it pretty much makes you a zombie. i'm still bitter with my parents that they put me on it at such a young age just because i was being a typical young male.

[Daedalus]

Heh, effexor was the first med I tried. It did not go over so well, made me very agitated, jittery, and just plain nuts.

[little miss sunshine]

I have mixed feelings about this. Sometimes I am highly sympathetic and other times the complete opposite. Today, not so sympathetic.

 

There are people who have serious mental issues and who need meds. I just think there are way too many whiny-ass mother fuckers out there these days who are getting meds to deal with anything. Just pop a pill and it's all okay. And this is coming from a PHARMACIST! I don't think as many people need drugs that are on them. They are just so easy. Let's first try and deal with life, mkay.

 

And before anyone comes in and calls me a bitch, I've had a lousy ass life and experience with this subject but I am dealing with it. I actually did go to talk to someone and she was having problems getting through to me and call me 'a challenge'. By session 5, she was trying to throw meds at me. SHE actually made me feel crazy and doubt myself. After I stopped talking to her, I felt so much better.

[Prometheon]

I'm not specifically referring to anyone in this thread, but Beth's post further articulates my previous sentiments. We ARE overmedicated (as a society), without a doubt.

 

Edit: To expand further, does it not seem coincidental that we are at a time where the availability (and financial market) for pharmaceuticals is at an all time high...and so is the prevalence of nearly every type of psychological disorder?

Edited February 28, 2007 by Prometheon

[marx marvelous]

Too many people think thin skin is a mental illness.

 

And I completely agree with Owen's edit. There would be a nationwide penis panic if people thought they could sell more Enzyte because of it.

Edited February 28, 2007 by NotFromOklahoma

[little miss sunshine]

See, part of my point was that you go to 'talk to someone' about something and then they start telling you that you're crazy and then you start feeling crazy. It's easy to fall into that. This shit has to end. Damn the man and all his pharmaceuticals.

[Prometheon]

See, part of my point was that you go to 'talk to someone' about something and then they start telling you that you're crazy and then you start feeling crazy. It's easy to fall into that. This shit has to end. Damn the man and all his pharmaceuticals.

That's dangerous ground though, Beth. I'm sure that often you're totally right; people may go see a psychiatrist or something to help them deal with the stress in their life, or marital problems or whatever, and then they get diagnosed with some disorder, which makes them feel 'crazy' and creates some sort of psychosomatic effect that is detrimental.

 

But as soon as you start making that argument, you may discourage people from seeking the professional help that is oftentimes required for people who do have serious undiagnosed disorders.

[hum-an-ole]

I have to agree with you, Beth. Some cases are completely valid, don't get me wrong, but people are often "talked into" being mentally ill. If you think something is wrong with you, there will be, and while mental illness being more accepted into the mainstream is good for the people who actually do have problems, I think it's causing major hypochondria over it for a lot of people who are fine and just want someone else to deal with all their problems for them.

 

edit: I forgot about this and then came back to it and a bunch of people had posted...

Owen, you have a good point. It's a confusing balance to figure out, because what is more important? That the people with these problems get help, or that the people without problems aren't exposed to the concept that they may have problem even though they are fine, thus causing them to be on drugs they don't even need? Both sides cause harm. The human brain is so complex...and so many people are so unaware how everything affects them. It's scary.

Edited February 28, 2007 by Christing

[Prometheon]

I have to agree with you, Beth. Some cases are completely valid, don't get me wrong, but people are often "talked into" being mentally ill. If you think something is wrong with you, there will be, and while mental illness being more accepted into the mainstream is good for the people who actually do have problems, I think it's causing major hypochondria over it for a lot of people who are fine and just want someone else to deal with all their problems for them.

I completely agree, but I think that that demonstrates the incompetance of the practitioners more than the patients.

 

Having someone help you 'deal with your problems' is the whole point of going to a psychologist/psychiatrist, and I don't think that it should be discouraged, per se. I thnik what should be discouraged is the over-prescribing of drugs for people whose condition doesn't warrant them, and for irresponsible parents who don't discipline their kids, and then go to a psychologist and ask for meds to 'fix' them.

 

Edit:

I forgot about this and then came back to it and a bunch of people had posted...

Owen, you have a good point. It's a confusing balance to figure out, because what is more important? That the people with these problems get help, or that the people without problems aren't exposed to the concept that they may have problem even though they are fine, thus causing them to be on drugs they don't even need? Both sides cause harm. The human brain is so complex...and so many people are so unaware how everything affects them. It's scary.

 

Wow. That is pretty much exactly what I was thinking.

Edited February 28, 2007 by Prometheon

[hum-an-ole]

Yes, it's definitely a problem with the practitioners. Also a problem with the lack of knowledge about our own brain/bodies. People are misdiagnosed very often. I've never met anyone who had been diagnosed who didn't feel like the doctor was "guessing".

[Daedalus]

Yes, it's definitely a problem with the practitioners. Also a problem with the lack of knowledge about our own brain/bodies. People are misdiagnosed very often. I've never met anyone who had been diagnosed who didn't feel like the doctor was "guessing".

I would tend to agree with that, specially the guessing. I also understand the points of view of everyone posting before with regard to over medication and whatnot.

 

In my experience there is a VAST difference with what people see as "being blue" and what I have experienced. I can remember times in high school where I would simply feel upset, se la ve, move on. Since then things have changed.

 

Of course I have to hold fast in my trust in my doctors, it has taken a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that things for the most part are fucked up in my head. I see people daily who "oh I feel sad give me a pill to fix it" and it makes me very distraught. I don't know, perhaps its the ego talking but there are a lot of thing people get more drugs for that are not a fraction as bad as what I have seen.

 

As for guessing that is where I really end up trusting my doctor for the most part on blind faith. There is no blood test to say if my mind works or not. That fact alone is the single most frustrating aspect of the entire thing. I know there is something wrong when i spend hours screaming at myself in my room alone wanting the voices to shut the fuck up. I will remember the first time my roommate walked in on me with my head gripped in my hands as tight as i could manage screaming in argument with myself. It took some getting used to. That doesn't happen so much recently, thank goodness.

 

As a whole I think everything is over medicated in our society. From a simple cold to anything you can envision. The worrying fact I see, and what kept me away form the doctor far too long, is that medication for the most part is seen very negatively because most think it should not be needed or is used too much. This keeps an awful lot of people away from the doctor, sure most of them don't need a thing but there are a lot of people that die because they fell in the small minority that did need something. Sadly there are a lot of trigger happy doctors who throw it on too early which does not help the stigma. I wish psychiatrists would be less quick to throw meds at things but I am very happy that they did start me on things. I like my doctor as it took quite a while for her to even think about meds, I think she does a good job for a lot of people and there should be more like her. But that is besides the point.

 

I am rambling, to be honest my head isn't working well today, take that as you want. My point is simply that feel free to dislike the idea of medication, but try to remember that a lot of people truly do need them. It is very reasonable to want to cut the number that use them down, but try not to stigmatize the entire group. It does after all make me feel sub par. I very often wonder if I should just stop taking everything I have right now. The one time I chose to skip my meds was the worst day of my life and details are not needed. Yet I still find myself hating the fact I take them. . . for some reason it makes me feel weak, I wonder if its the pills fucking with my head. . . ah well.

 

Of course you don't have to listen to me, I am rather insane ;)

 

edit:

 

After reading Beth's post a few times I agree more with her. I can recall feeling as if the counselors were tying to convince me I was nuts. In fact I stopped seeking doctoral help because of that at first. Perhaps I am a rare case, but after a while I did go back. I had a few anxiety attacks that ended me up in the ER, a couple moments where my head started to talk to me and I figured that it wasn't a good thing. I would repeatedly tell my best friends that I hate them, that they are plotting to ditch me behind my back and that I'd be better off without them. Minus a few friends later it was back to the doctor.

 

I am not sure why I bother to outline my own experience, it is simply all I know of the subject. But the day before I started medication after 3 months of cognitive therapy I was at a party where I told my best friend I hate her, said I was going to kill myself, and ran out the door. I don't need to tell you how well that went over.... ah memories. Its funny looking back. I can recall several times where I don't recognize the man in my own memories. It must be someone else sitting in the closet arguing with an unseen presence in the back of his head. It is a remarkable and often painful thing to think back with a relatively clear head those moments.

 

OK, I'm done talking for now... I had a day where my mind wouldn't let me do much so rambling helps he sort it out. really, I'm done now.

Edited February 28, 2007 by Daedalus

[bishopx]

I've only done internships so far, so I've never done more than observe or run group sessions. Misdiagnosis is so common in the mental health field.

 

The Psychiatrist I worked for a few years back during a six week internship, was a fucking quack. He would literally prescribe whatever the vendors would push on him that week. I personally think he made more money in kickbacks than he did on the patient visits.

My favorite was that in cases calling for Lithium...(sometimes the evaluations can be dead on.) He would prescribe Welbutrin, even though it didn't apply at all. He got new golf clubs and a check for his greens fees for the year, from the vendor.

 

I also feel that we tend to over medicate in a lot of cases.

In group sessions, I saw a lot of situations where it seemed that the medication was doing more harm than good.

 

The therapists, and the Doctors working together does a lot to prevent this kind of nonsense.

 

It is so not an exact science, and I've said this before. You may go through 5 therapists, before you meet the one you click with.

 

There are no quick fixes, it's a process that takes time and effort on all sides.

Edited February 28, 2007 by bishopx