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Daedalus

Some Say I'm Crazy.

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my ex was crazy, and i mean one day i found him in the closet in fetal postion rocking back and forth crazy and you know, now that he's had official nervous breakdowns and been officially 'diagnosed' and officially medicated, i have to say that the medicine doesn't do a goddamn thing and he's still a fucking nut except that now he has a PRESCRIPTION for all the same drugs he was abusing before and a job where he gets paid to treat people like absolute shit! SWEET.

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my ex was crazy, and i mean one day i found him in the closet in fetal postion rocking back and forth crazy and you know, now that  he's had official nervous breakdowns and been officially 'diagnosed' and officially medicated, i have to say that the medicine doesn't do a goddamn thing and he's still a fucking nut except that now he has a PRESCRIPTION for all the same drugs he was abusing before and a job where he gets paid to treat people like absolute shit! SWEET.

Yeah I know how that is. I was found in the closet once or twice. Insert coming out of the closet joke here. Being crazy is just another way of being normal right? Oh and being in the fetal position rocking back and forth talking to yourself is better than running around threatening people with a butter knife unless they keep the sky from falling, right? It could be worse!

 

I get sick of being asked over and over and over if I use drugs though. I have never touched anything and they still have to ask! Its something ridiculous like 90% of people diagnosed are heavey drug abusers. . .

 

I may be a total fucking nut case, but just at times. I still manage to be entertaining and a sarcastic dick to people. School doesn't go so well but they actually give me notes to get out of work. Sweet deal if I didn't have to be a schizoid to get em.

 

Edit:

 

One thing that always baffles me is the ridiculous names they give shit. Can't they just call me crazy and be done with it? No, it has to be several words no one ever uses. The doctor has never even given me a name to call it, I just piece them together. It's not quite bipolar, its not quite schizophrenia, its not quite a hundred things. So I imagine the real disorder name would take a team of linguists to decipher. Constant problem in all of the sciences. That's why I'm in physics, no ridiculous nomenclature.

Cheers!

Edited by Daedalus
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There plenty of cases where the drugs do more damage. Which is again why I advocate a strong treatment plan, with multiple check points.

 

Ideally, and some practices employ this method, a formal team approach to therapy/diagnosis/prescription. The Dr., the Therapist. and a coach(usually a second Dr. or Senior Therapist) Evaluate each case. This is an effective approach, that lowers the possibilities for negative results, or results going unchecked or unchallenged. The more trained eyes watching, the better. It's a better, more effective treatment experience for the patient.

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Yeah I know how that is. I was found in the closet once or twice. Insert coming out of the closet joke here. Being crazy is just another way of being normal right? Oh and being in the fetal position rocking back and forth talking to yourself is better than running around threatening people with a butter knife unless they keep the sky from falling, right? It could be worse!

 

I get sick of being asked over and over and over if I use drugs though. I have never touched anything and they still have to ask! Its something ridiculous like 90% of people diagnosed are heavey drug abusers. . .

 

I may be a total fucking nut case, but just at times. I still manage to be entertaining and a sarcastic dick to people. School doesn't go so well but they actually give me notes to get out of work. Sweet deal if I didn't have to be a schizoid to get em.

being in the fetal position would have been better if it were a common occurrence, but it wasn't. the usual thing were the rages he would go into where his face turned purple and he was in my face screaming and spitting, shoving me around, threatening to kill me, and so on. all because i left a glass on the counter or dared to suggest he pick his underwear up off the living room floor. i cannot tell you how many times he literally KICKED me out of the car to walk the rest of the way home because he didn't like something i said.

 

he destroyed my things, punched numerous holes in our walls, once even destroyed the drama room at school... and absolutely refused to ever go to a doctor because he was afraid he would be committed due to the auditory and visual hallucinations he suffered. i don't know about 90% of people diagnosed being heavy drug users, but i know that HE was. he would take basically anything he could, usually tranquilizers mixed with liquor, but he'd pretty much mix anything. uppers, downers, alcohol, all at the same time.. lots of times i went to sleep at night thinking he would be dead when i woke up. but to him it was just his 'medication'.

 

HOWEVER, like you're saying, he wasn't like that all the time. he could be super charming and witty and entertaining, but it's very hard to deal with someone like that when they REFUSE to get help. it crossed over from being HIS problem to being MY problem and i am not equipped to deal with shit like that.

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I think alot of people who end up being bipolar later (and I didn't know it till they put me on the wrong meds and it 'came out') is mostly a crock.  Who is to say that you just didn't fuck your brain up with these drugs in the first place?  Just something to contemplate.

I understand where you are coming from. But I had severe issues for years, I've only been on any form of medication (discounting headache shit) for 5 to 6 months. But don't think I don't wonder every single day if the chemical shit does a damn thing. I am, and always have been, kind of hesitant of any medication. But I do remember things that occurred over the years and do I really want to do that again? Nothing I am o now is permanent, it is only a temporary thing so they say... but whatever.

 

Perspective is a wonderful thing though.

 

 

Oh yes, any Scientologists around here?

Edited by Daedalus
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I have been through my fair share of shit. About 7 years ago near the end of high school/beginning of university i started suffering from anxiety. At first it was just annoying, some panic attacks & just constant stress/agitation, but over the course of a few years it just wore me down to the point where mentally & physically my body couldn't take it anymore. Call it something like a nervous breakdown, and i was hospitalized for several weeks.

 

When it first began i went to my doctor about it & he gave me Paxil. I disliked (aka feared) the notion of taking a pill which would alter my brain or state of thinking in some way, so i never took the pills. I went back a year later when my anxiety was much worse, my doc gave me another prescription & said i should go see a therapist. I did neither, afraid of the pills again.

 

It got to the point where i hit rock-bottom & was hospitalized, & at that point i of course took the pills & did everything the doctors/therapists recommended. I'm much improved now, but the "nervous breakdown" really affected me & after 4 years i still haven't worked my way back where i can function mentally & physically to 100% as well as i could before (i get fatigued/stressed pretty easily).

 

Moral of my story? If you know you have a problem & you see yourself sliding down the mountain, don't wait until you hit rock-bottom (like i did) to get treatment, because its one hell of longer & tougher climb back up to the top.

 

If you have any sort of mental health problems that haven't gone away for 6 months or more, go seek doctors help. And don't be afraid to take the meds. If you don't trust your doctor 100%, go get a second opinion.

 

Yes in many ways our entire society is over-medicated, but if you are clinically depressed or have schizophrenia etc. its important to get on proper medication as well as seeing a therapist. Serious mental illness is a disease. It will get worse before it gets better. If you have heart disease you take medication for that, so if you have a mental health problem thats affecting your life it needs to be treated also. Talk-therepy is of course very important also, you need both. Some people can get to the point where proper exercise, diet, relaxation/meditation(not medication...MEDITATION) & therepy can help you enough where you can get off the drugs...which is a good thing. Exercise & relaxation/meditation (again, different from "medication") has done the most wonders for me.

 

To Daedalus, my friend you are not crazy. You gotta stop telling yourself that. You suffer from mental illness or disorders, and don't give up hope that its not completely treatable. I had a friend who had schizophrenia, and once she found the proper meds & psychologist she was fine. You aren't crazy. You obviously seem like a compassionate, thoughful, logical, analytical, & empathetic person. yeah you may have the occasional bad lapse, but you just gotta ride that bad wave & come out the other side.

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And then there are people like me who need to be on medications, who have had doctors and psychologists diagnose you with something and then you decide not to take your medications.

 

I do this more then not. That is the real crazy thing to do/stupid thing to do. It's stupid.

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Thanks for the advice Moonlight, it has been a real down week for me. Heh, often times I find myself thinking stupid things during weeks like this. I try very hard not to admit to myself that I'm "crazy", but you know, it's difficult at times when one sees everyone around them doing school work all happy and easily while I sit on the floor totally out of it.

 

It is a funny feeling to have your mind not work as well as it should. I am glad I went to the doctors before it hit 0%. I came close to that basement area but sucked it up and went to a therapist.

 

I agree totally that alternative therapies do wonders. Talking to a therapist while at the same time seeing someone else for medication is very helpful. I am lucky in that both of my doctors discuss things together. Meditation is something that lately I have not been able to do effectively, just too out of it to relax enough to get anything out of it. Diet, exercise and what not also help a ton. Of course with the problems comes a natural lack of proper diet and motivation to do anything physical. But its important to try.

 

 

-Cheers!

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I was given Cipralex by a family doctor. However, due to an unfortunate incident during a particularly unfortunate time, I no longer take them. I've been told many things by many people. Personally I think anything mentally wrong with me is my own problem.

 

I've sought help, naturally, outside of the doctor and it didn't seem like they really cared. If they didn't care, I didn't think I should and simply stopped going. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not crazy, but not necessarily normal either. "Normality" is totally subjective anyway.

 

As far as medication goes, I don't want any more. Maybe I DO have a problem and maybe they could help, but I refuse to subject myself to that again. I'm still young so I can only assume that what I go through in my mind everyday is common. So far I just suck it up and deal with it, and to those who listen to me bitch all the time; that's just the tip of the iceberg; I'm capable of much more, I just don't feel the need to bore everyone with uninteresting details.

 

As for you Dan, you've been through much more than me and definitely perceive it differently, however; that doesn't make you any less of a person than anyone here. You're not crazy at all. Getting "happy" is a different struggle (or not even a struggle at all) for everyone, feel no shame in how you get there (so long as it's a safe way, of course).

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