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I Went To Antigua

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day one:

depart vancouver to antigua via dallas, puerto rico. excited at the prospect of walking on the tarmac, i begin drinking. by the time we land in antigua i'm hammered and first thing i do when i step onto the tarmac is puke. in bed by 1am local time.


day two:

wake up to 35 degree heat and immediately replenish my fluids. at 1 of 365 beaches by 11am and proceed to drink the first of many pina coladas. the sand is like silk. we buy $20 worth of weed from a cabby to be consumed later. we wander around the neighbourhood and walk home (an apparent 45 minute walk that took less than 10). in bed by 10pm.


day three:

girlfriend and cousin have been bickering back and forth all morning. she wants coffee, he doesnt have a coffee maker or the desire to drive her to a coffee shop. he leaves for work, we walk back to the same beach as day 2. proceed to drink more pina coladas. we wander down the beach and a local sells us 2 cannons for $20. we smoke them and get retarded. girlfriend does cartwheels down the beach. we walk home. on the way we see a bench and my girlfriend proceeds to seduce me on it. we finish. we continue our walk. cousin pulls up mid journey and as we proceed to get in a car speeds by and hits me. we arrive at the worlds dirties hospital approx. 45 minutes later and i am diagnosed with "a completely shattered elbow". in bed by around 2am or whenever the pain killers took over.


day four:

bed all day


day five:

there's two party nights in antigua friday and sunday. friday i got hit by a car so we didnt go, but tonight im stoked to have some fun, so we drive up to "shirley heights" to watch steel band and reggae and drink "rum punch". we get hammered and leave. on the way back to residence, my cousins friend throws a cup out the window. we are cut off by a police officer and told to follow him back to the cup. alex (the litterer) says "oh this will be great for my blog" and gets out to pick up the cup under police supervision. i am drunk and whacked on pain killers and laughing my ass off that this is happening. as this happens the cop says something inaudible, alex says something back and is arrested. we go home. on the way my girlfriend starts a fight with my cousin and we suddenly become "kicked out". we check into a resort on the north side of the island called "sunsail: club collona"


day six:

talk about my cousin vs/ the girlfriend all day


day seven:

relocate rooms because the bed sucks, and the toilet wont flush properly.


day eight:

girlfriend's birthday. we rent a catamaran and the guy takes us for a circum-nav tour of the island. it takes from 9am til 5pm and we're hammered beyond oblivion. a local gives us a ride home (the same guy who sold us the 2 cannons for $20). i proceed to wander down to the health spa drunk and order a shitload of products for my girlfriend along with some spa treatment that cost $240US.


day nine:

spa girl trackes us down at breakfast and says "evan!" neither my girlfriend or i know what to expect and she says "did you tell your girlfriend?" apparently i booked her an appointment for 7am that morning and completely forgot. rescheduled.


day 10:

cant really remember. probably did nothing


day 11:

grew totally repulsed by the uncomfortable beds and relocated to another resort. checked in and got drunk almost instantly.


day 12:

beach all day


day 13:

tried to play golf with my shattered elbow. witnessed 4 locals do the job of one driving range cart. when you hit a bucket of balls into the "driving range". four guys run out and pick up your range balls and bring them back. i felt like shit mentally (because of the whole slavery thing this country went through 400 years ago) and physically (because i shattered my elbow 10 days prior)


day 14:

girlfriend has her period. 3 weeks of constant sex becomes a sudden waste of time. no kids. no august baby. tons of sitting on the beach and drinking, though.


day 15:

girlfriend and i get into a HUGE fight that takes almost 3 hours to resolve. i pass out in a puddle of her tears.


day 16:

very hung over. every woman in the resort has her sympathies with me. apparently the girlfriend was way out of control and i am the victim. we leave. flight from antigua to puerto rico is flawless. flight from puerto rico to atlanta is flawless. flight from atlanta to vancouver goes to shit when we have to switch planes with out our luggage following suit. end of vacation. i welcome the brisk vancouver air with welcome arms.



next: the south of france.

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Wow, it sounds like an interesting trip. I don't wanna say "amazing" because there was a lot of shit going on in there, but you'll definately always remember it.


Have the cousin and girlfriend made up?

Edited by Prometheon
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