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The Rhino Party

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Rhinoceros Party platform

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Bryan Gold of the Rhinoceros Party described the party platform as two feet high and made of wood. "My platform is the one I'm standing on." A candidate named Ted "not so" Sharp ran in Flora MacDonald's Ontario riding with the campaign slogan "Fauna, not flora", promising to give fauna equal representation. Sharp's platform on the then-controversial abortion issue was clear: "If elected, I promise to never have an abortion." Party Member (and singer) Michel Rivard once went on tv (during free air time given to political party) and stated: "I have but two things to say to you: Celery and Sidewalk. Thank you, good night."



The Rhinos have also promised to break every promise (a platform plank they claim has been copied and put into execution by the mainstream parties) and have promised, if elected, to immediately demand a recount.



Other platform promises released by the Rhinoceros Party included:


Repealing the law of gravity,

Reducing the speed of light because it's much too fast,

Paving the province of Manitoba to create the world's largest parking lot,

Providing higher education by building taller schools,

Instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada's three official languages,

Offering to retrain those constituents who want to become illiterate by enrolling them in a state educational institution,

Tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see the Pacific sunset, or moving them one metre west as a make-work project,

Legalising pot. And pans. And spatulas. And other kitchen utensils,

Building sloping roads and bicycle paths across the country so that Canadians could "coast from coast to coast",

Responding to the energy crisis, reducing energy costs for transportation by moving the cities of Montr

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But of course, and I am to be leader of this party as it is and always has been my destiny to become Prime Minister of Canada. VOTE CHRISTINA!


and MaryAnn for pope.

MaryAnn can't be Pope. She's a girl.


Vote me for Pope. I'm actually eligible.

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I'm so much more Popey than her.


For example, I'm Italian. At least, party Italian. I look white, so you wouldn't know by guessing, but it's there.


Also, like most of the Renaissance and Middle Ages popes, I'm extremely naughty.

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