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Here's the one for the win:

What animal has the smallest appetite?






























A Moth. It just eats holes







































































































































































































Ok I'll stope now

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An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.


"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."


He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."


"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"


"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."


a very anti-canadian friend of mine told me that to try and get a rise out of me.


i think its pretty good.

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This will gross you out, be warned.



This sailor puts into harbor, and needs to get laid like a champ. His problem is that he only has $2 to his name. He goes to the whore house anyway and explains his problem to the pimp. The pimp tells him that he can have 'Sandpaper Sally' for the $2. The sailor thinks to himself that this doesn't sound to appealing, but a fuck is a fuck, so he agrees. The pimp tells him to go up the stairs to the 3rd room on the left and take off all his clothes, Sally would be up shortly. The sailor goes up to the room, takes off his clothes and thinking that this won't be pleasent, turns off the lights. He here's Sally come in, take off her clothes and get on top of him. Immediately his dick is on fire, it's pure agony. He pushes her off and asks her if there is anything she can do to make it better. She tells him of course there is, gets up and goes to the corner. He hears her playing with herself, minute later she comes back and straddles him again. This time it's like satin, he's never had a better fuck. He asks her what she did to make it so good, to which she replies -->

































"I picked all the scabs and let the puss run."

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What's the difference between havings guts and having balls?


Having guts is when a guy comes home at 5am after a night out drinking with his buddies, sees his wife at the front step with a broom in hand ready to murder him, and says "are you just cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"


Having balls on the other hand...


Is when the same guy comes home at 5am, except this time there's lipstick on his collar and the smell of perfume. His wife is still ready to kill him. He looks at her, pats her on the shoulder, and says "don't worry, you're next."



Heh, I've got a more if you liked that one, though the rest will be pretty tasteless, and I dunno the NF rules about slightly racist/sexist/everyoneist jokes.


Oh shit! on another note, did you guys hear about that new camping movie? It's intense!! (ba dum-chh)


Heh, I also love this one, though for som reason no one else thinks its funny:


An old man and his passengers are pulled over by a police car. The old man tells the officer he just won 5000 dollars in a seatbelt contest.

"What are you gonna do with the money?" The officer asks.

"Well, I was thinking I would get my driver's licence." the old man replies.

The woman in the passenger seat laughs nervously. "Oh, don't listen to him, officer," she says, punching the old guy lightly in his arm. "he's such a kidder when he's drunk."

The young man in the backseat sighed heavily. "God, I KNEW we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

Then there's a knock from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, "Are we over the border yet?"

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a white guy, a black guy and a mexican guy are walking along the beach when they come upon a genie...









everyone knows that/i shouldn't tell that one







to anyone who doesn't know where i was going with that, rent Boondock Saints.

Edited by sodamntired
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