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WalrusMeat

Story Time!

By WalrusMeat, in Open Discussion

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Prometheon

Prometheon

Posted
Posted

A friend of a friend of mine recently went out to a bar with a buddy of mine. Some smoking hot blonde babe was there, and was relentlessly hitting on him. He wasn't really interested, but she told him that 'if you come to my apartment you can do whatever you want to me.' So he tells my buddy that he's sorry for ditching him, but that this is an offer he can't refuse.

 

So he gets to her appartment and she tells him that "yes, you can do whatever you want to me......if you wear these" as she pulls out some anal beads. The guy thinks about it long and hard, says 'fuck it!' and puts em in. Sure enough, she lets him do whatever he wants to her. He does her in a ton of different ways, she pleasures him a ton, and at the end he tells her 'oh shit baby, I'm gonna come.' She reaches around to his back and...

 

...pulls out the beads.

 

He begins defecating everywhere, and is obviously horrified. The girl then starts rubbing it all over herself and moaning as the guy grabs his pants and runs out as fast as he can.

 

Crazyness eh? It puts this image in my head of this crazy girl with a shit fetish running from bar to bar seducing innocent guys for her own tiwsted (and gross) satisfaction.

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EvanofEdmonton

EvanofEdmonton

Posted
Posted
A friend of a friend of mine recently went out to a bar with a buddy of mine. Some smoking hot blonde babe was there, and was relentlessly hitting on him. He wasn't really interested, but she told him that 'if you come to my apartment you can do whatever you want to me.' So he tells my buddy that he's sorry for ditching him, but that this is an offer he can't refuse.

 

So he gets to her appartment and she tells him that "yes, you can do whatever you want to me......if you wear these" as she pulls out some anal beads. The guy thinks about it long and hard, says 'fuck it!' and puts em in. Sure enough, she lets him do whatever he wants to her. He does her in a ton of different ways, she pleasures him a ton, and at the end he tells her 'oh shit baby, I'm gonna come.' She reaches around to his back and...

 

...pulls out the beads.

 

He begins defecating everywhere, and is obviously horrified. The girl then starts rubbing it all over herself and moaning as the guy grabs his pants and runs out as fast as he can.

 

Crazyness eh? It puts this image in my head of this crazy girl with a shit fetish running from bar to bar seducing innocent guys for her own tiwsted (and gross) satisfaction.

i just threw up

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Dan #2

Dan #2

Posted
Posted
A friend of a friend of mine recently went out to a bar with a buddy of mine. Some smoking hot blonde babe was there, and was relentlessly hitting on him. He wasn't really interested, but she told him that 'if you come to my apartment you can do whatever you want to me.' So he tells my buddy that he's sorry for ditching him, but that this is an offer he can't refuse.

 

So he gets to her appartment and she tells him that "yes, you can do whatever you want to me......if you wear these" as she pulls out some anal beads. The guy thinks about it long and hard, says 'fuck it!' and puts em in. Sure enough, she lets him do whatever he wants to her. He does her in a ton of different ways, she pleasures him a ton, and at the end he tells her 'oh shit baby, I'm gonna come.' She reaches around to his back and...

 

...pulls out the beads.

 

He begins defecating everywhere, and is obviously horrified. The girl then starts rubbing it all over herself and moaning as the guy grabs his pants and runs out as fast as he can.

 

Crazyness eh? It puts this image in my head of this crazy girl with a shit fetish running from bar to bar seducing innocent guys for her own tiwsted (and gross) satisfaction.

i've heard of people doing that with bedsheets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

when i was little, i thought computers were allergic to food and drinks because everyone told me not to bring them near the computer.

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Lauren

Lauren

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Posted

so i'm repelling down mount vesuvius when suddenly I slip. and i'm just falling, terrified and then i think, "hey, lauren, haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?"

and?

And it was. i was totally fine. i've never even been to mount vesuvius.

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ecnarf

ecnarf

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Posted

When I was little and playing hockey, I was always ridiculously pissed off at the referees for their utter incompetence in calling games. I mean, really, you had to be there to see it - I saw kids get hooked by other players around the neck and brought down to the ice, had play stopped because the kid got hurt (duh) and no penalty being called. Another time this referee came within an inch of giving a penalty to a kid on my team who had been tripped, until my coach decided to correct the idiot.

 

So this one time, I ended up getting tripped by this other kid, and I lost it. I started yelling at the referee that that was tripping, and started throwing my gloves at him.

 

Needless to say, I ended up with a penalty.

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Ravenous Yam

Ravenous Yam

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Posted

One time i was walking in the mountains, in Kananaskis, when above me on the hill i saw a cougar. I did all the stuff youre supposed to, like appear big and all that to scare it away, but it didn't leave.

Then, as the cougar was approaching me, i stripped naked.

The cougar pounced! I pounced simultaneously. We flew towards each other in slow motion, with dramatic timpani music in the background.

The cougar landed the first hit, but it bounced harmlessly off my chiseled jaw. I then gouged the cougars eyes out and tackled it to the ground, where i proceeded to beat it mercilessly within an inch of its life.

 

I was just about to deliver the killing blow when behind me i heard a low growl. I turned slowly, and out of the corner of my eye i saw that is was a fully grown kodiak bear. I took the almost-dead cougar body in my left hand and dealt the bear a stunning backhand with the cougar - killing the cougar, of course.

 

Keep in mind i am still naked at this point. I then grabbed the stunned bear by its shoulders, and ripped its entire hide right off its body in one amazing whisk. I quickly fashioned the hide into a stylish robe, and finished the bear with a flying knee to the face.

 

I then ran all the way home, crushing eleven lawyers, seven infants, and three bus drivers on the way. Then i ate a hamburger made from my own left hand, which i quickly regenerated.

 

 

 

This really happened, I swear. It made the news.

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garsk

garsk

Posted
Posted

One year in residence of my lovely college, my friend had a really fat annoying room-mate. Basically picture fat-bastard and there you go. Anyway, just before our winter exams started we walked by his room when his door was open, and saw a blue dildo. We quickly went back into my friend

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Azalroth

Azalroth

Posted
Posted

Indeed we do....forgot about that story, cleverly blocked it outta my mind ya jackass. And yes that WAS my room mate last year, shoulda seen the shit we found. Most if not ALL the movies were of trannies by the way, we broke into his room 4 or 5 times to steal electronic stuff (gamecube memory card, legit movies, music cd's, camera memory card), and to wreck the place in hopes that the Residence would screw him of his $250 deposit. Trust me there's more stories there....a lot more.

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Ravenous megin-sane

Ravenous megin-sane

Posted
Posted
One time i was walking in the mountains, in Kananaskis, when above me on the hill i saw a cougar. I did all the stuff youre supposed to, like appear big and all that to scare it away, but it didn't leave.

Then, as the cougar was approaching me, i stripped naked.

The cougar pounced! I pounced simultaneously. We flew towards each other in slow motion, with dramatic timpani music in the background.

The cougar landed the first hit, but it bounced harmlessly off my chiseled jaw. I then gouged the cougars eyes out and tackled it to the ground, where i proceeded to beat it mercilessly within an inch of its life.

 

I was just about to deliver the killing blow when behind me i heard a low growl. I turned slowly, and out of the corner of my eye i saw that is was a fully grown kodiak bear. I took the almost-dead cougar body in my left hand and dealt the bear a stunning backhand with the cougar - killing the cougar, of course.

 

Keep in mind i am still naked at this point. I then grabbed the stunned bear by its shoulders, and ripped its entire hide right off its body in one amazing whisk. I quickly fashioned the hide into a stylish robe, and finished the bear with a flying knee to the face.

 

I then ran all the way home, crushing eleven lawyers, seven infants, and three bus drivers on the way. Then i ate a hamburger made from my own left hand, which i quickly regenerated.

 

 

 

This really happened, I swear. It made the news.

wow.

just wow, chris.

that was the sexiest thing i have heard in years. centuries, even.

 

the thought of you naked under a bear hide is enough to give me a heartattack!

 

ps - i'm very old.

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shenanigans87

shenanigans87

Posted
Posted
This one time I was really hungry right? And so I go to Tim Horton's and get some delicious beef stew. But I was really hungry so I...

 

...I ate the bowl.

One time I went to Tim's at 2am to get a chicken salad sandwich and they had no bread. No bread! So, needless to say, I didn't get my sandwich. I had a bagel instead, but it just didn't compare to having a chicken salad sandwich. ;)

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